Homeland Security and Cookies from England

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Meanwhile: Terrorism and cookies

LONDON My mother had a birthday coming up, and she loves English cookies. So we boxed up a selection, all under the irreproachable Duchy Originals hallmark of Prince Charles's Prince's Trust, and set out to mail them to Massachusetts.

The woman at the Post Office wanted to know if they were home-made cookies. If they were home-made, we could have just sent them. But since they were bought, we would have to go through the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. It's part of the war on terrorism, you see. She referred us to a Web site: www.access.fda.gov.

"FDA industry systems," the site proclaims. Created "in response to the Bioterrorism Act of 2002."

-snip-

It quotes the rulebook: You can send foreign food gifts if you warn the Food and Drug Administration in advance and get a Prior Notice Number to put on the package.

"Who is authorized to submit prior notice?" it asks, rhetorically. "A prior notice for an article of food may be submitted by any person with knowledge of the required information. This person is the submitter."

-snip-

Rejected, I send an e-mail to Help, and two days later a woman apologizes for the problem and asks for my account ID and password so it can be researched. I send those, and I hear back that it's going to their "test environment." Please allow two to three business days.

-snip-

The Help woman says: "No one else has reported this problem. Try restarting your computer."

I do that, and again I'm turned away.

Has anyone got a recipe for home-made shortbread?

Richard Blystone is a retired senior correspondent for CNN.
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Homeland Security = Dragons and Gargoyles