All the Single Ladies (sorry if repost)

[Blue_Tires]

Recent years have seen an explosion of male joblessness and a steep decline in men’s life prospects that have disrupted the “romantic market” in ways that narrow a marriage-minded woman’s options: increasingly, her choice is between deadbeats (whose numbers are rising) and playboys (whose power is growing). But this strange state of affairs also presents an opportunity: as the economy evolves, it’s time to embrace new ideas about romance and family—and to acknowledge the end of “traditional” marriage as society’s highest ideal.

In 2001, when I was 28, I broke up with my boyfriend. Allan and I had been together for three years, and there was no good reason to end things. He was (and remains) an exceptional person, intelligent, good-looking, loyal, kind. My friends, many of whom were married or in marriage-track relationships, were bewildered. I was bewildered. To account for my behavior, all I had were two intangible yet undeniable convictions: something was missing; I wasn’t ready to settle down.

The period that followed was awful. I barely ate for sobbing all the time. (A friend who suffered my company a lot that summer sent me a birthday text this past July: “A decade ago you and I were reuniting, and you were crying a lot.”) I missed Allan desperately—his calm, sure voice; the sweetly fastidious way he folded his shirts. On good days, I felt secure that I’d done the right thing. Learning to be alone would make me a better person, and eventually a better partner. On bad days, I feared I would be alone forever. Had I made the biggest mistake of my life?

Ten years later, I occasionally ask myself the same question. Today I am 39, with too many ex-boyfriends to count and, I am told, two grim-seeming options to face down: either stay single or settle for a “good enough” mate. At this point, certainly, falling in love and getting married may be less a matter of choice than a stroke of wild great luck. A decade ago, luck didn’t even cross my mind. I’d been in love before, and I’d be in love again. This wasn’t hubris so much as naïveté; I’d had serious, long-term boyfriends since my freshman year of high school, and simply couldn’t envision my life any differently.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/11/all-the-single-ladies/8654/1

[saras]

1. All the UMC single ladies that somehow weren't paying attention for the last three decades...

[Skittles]

2. what a bunch of fucking nonsense

this gal needs to pull her head out of her ass

[Lorien]

4. Did you read the whole article? She's not saying that being married is better

than the single life or vice versa. She seems to be saying that society is changing and that we should be open to embracing many different kinds of lifestyles and relationships now that more than 50% of the adult population is single.

[Skittles]

7. the gal thinks too much about herself

and acts like the conclusions she comes to are revelations - it's all common sense - or should be

[Name removed]

5. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Lorien]

3. She says that "something was missing" with that great relationship. If so, had

she gotten married she probably would be divorcing right about now. Always trust your instincts. It's far better to be lonely than to be in a bad relationship; that only serves to amplify your loneliness 1000x over. My mom and stepmother both prefer to be single. I'm single simply because I never found the right guy. It's not "better" to be single or married; that all depends on the individual.

[femrap]

6. Thx for posting....

5 long articles but I thoroughly enjoyed reading them.

I'm heading to the Mosoa (was that it?) in S. China!!!