The suicide of Jamey Rodemeyer (14) shows that anti-gay bullying is still epidemic

[RyanPsych]

On Monday Americans were reminded of the terrible impact of bullying when 14-year-old Jamey Rodemeyer took his own life after being incessantly bullied by classmates. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth all across America face daily taunts and threats in their schools and in church, and this had led to the tragic consequences that we have all seen.

Jamey was a 14-year-old high school student in New York who often blogged about his experiences being bullied at school. In fact, according to his parents, Jamey had been bullied since the 5th grade, both at school, and online. His mother stated that he had begun questioning his sexuality, which led to students making malicious comments toward him. However, in the past year the attacks began to increase in intensity and in vehemence: Jeremy began receiving vile comments on his Formspring account, a blog that allows anonymous postings, such as: "Jaime is stupid, gay, fat and ugly. He must die!" and "I wouldn't care if you died. No one would. So just do it :) It would make everyone way more happier!"

Unfortunately, Jamey's story is not a rarity: he is only the latest in a tragic string of suicides among bullied LGBT youth. Last year we learned about: Tyler Clementi (age 19), Billy Lucas (age 15), Seth Walsh (age 13), Asher Brown (age 13), Raymond Chase (age 19), and Cody Barker (age 17) who are just a few of the many LGBT teens who committed suicide after incessant bullying and torment from their peers.

Anti-LGBT bullying in this nation is unfortunately at epidemic levels among teens. According to GlSEN, 9 in 10 LGBT students report being bullied at school due to their sexual orientation or gender identity. This ranges from slurs to threats, to actual beatings. Even more startling, LGBT youth are 300 times more likely to commit suicide than their heterosexual peers. Clearly there is a problem, and it is absolutely shameful that it has taken this long for America to realize it.

more at: http://www.peoplesworld.org/jamey-rodemeyer-14-another-victim-of-anti-gay-bullying/

[msongs]

1. kid had the wrong parents nt

[dsc]

2. actually far from it

they supported him, took him to therapists, and actively tried to improve his school.

[Ostanes]

4. That doesn't necessarily mean he was provided with the tools he

needed. I know plenty of people who are or have been abused or bullied for a myriad of things ranging from sexuality to their name. As I'm sure most people can relate, I wager there are few people who know nothing of bullying.

Fact is that young man felt more comfort with the idea of dying than in living. And that is plainly because he was never given or obtained the concepts or ability to live with, or around the bullies. He had a veritable warehouse full of things he could have done to soften the harassment or avoid it entirely.


To say the parents are without fault because they loved him is as naive as the person who says the parents are directly and only to blame.

When in-fact no one is more to blame than the young man himself. As are the people who watched him indifferently as he was bullied. As are the bullies themselves. And his parents etc. He was his own person and regardless of social paradigms about class, age, race etc Every person makes their own decisions regardless of outside influence. And people are themselves responsible for those actions, dead or alive.

[RyanPsych]

6. Never underestimate the effect peers can have on teenagers

especially 14 year olds. As a gay man, I remember just how terrible HS could be, especially coming out at 14. I was bullied as a kid, and even though my parents were supportive, their support didn't lessen the pain.

14 years do not have the mental maturity that we enjoy. They are walking hormone factories who are especially vulnerable to the pressures of high school. Especially a gay 14 year old who faced the kid of bullying that would be painful to an adult.

Instead of focusing on what his, apparently supportive, parents didn't do, or blaming Jamey himself for not being able to hide from bullying (which he had been facing since 5th grade), why not instead focus on the societal factors that shield bullies from punishment and add to the prejudice all LGBTs face.

The fact is, yes, bullying is a problem- but for LGBTQ teens- it can be even worse. About 90% of LGBT teens face discrimination on a regular basis, including 75% hearing slurs such as "faggot" or "dyke" against them often. Additionally, anti-gay hate crimes have risen while other hate crimes have fallen. So the environmental distress combined with the stresses of adolescence as well as dealing with questioning sexuality makes for a perfect storm for many LGBT teens.

Try compassion for a change, and instead of blaming the victim- help in whatever way, to keep this tragic story from happening again.

[Ostanes]

7. In what manner are you using compassion?

Is compassion pretending there is a blanket "solve-all" solution to prejudice against homosexuals?

And how is bullying against homosexuals any worse than prejudice against Muslims?

Or Christians?

Or imbeciles?

Or blacks?

Or women?

Or people with glasses?

Or people with red hair?

Or people with lisps?


All of the above and many more are irrelevant and petty things children and adults alike are bullied for. None of which they have any inherent control over, are responsible for, or can change within reasonable circumstance. None of the circumstances truly warrant the bullying to begin with, mind you. The only one I can think of is a solider thinking less of his comrade who wears glasses given his inherent disadvantage on the battlefield because of his poor sight.

It is a widely proven fact and psychological fault that bullying comes from a deeply etched belief that one is unworthy, less-than or damaged. The lashing out is simply a mental defense, or perhaps a retribution. It is different(given none of us are truly the same) yet vaguely similar in everyone. And everyone expresses these feelings in different ways and to different degrees. Some people become violent, others bottle their emotions up, other are passive aggressive etc.

The boy took his own life. Why would he take his life if he understood why he was being bullied? The bullying, to us who know, was so petty and irrelevant that we can haphazardly debate on this forum and sleep or eat peacefully just fine. Yet this young man took his life because of it, presumably; he isn't exactly here to say differently or if he had other reasons. If he understood how juvenile and almost laughable the thought that who someone prefers to be with romantically, and how that has such and infinitesimally low of an impact that fact has on the bullies lives(therefore knowing how petty and ridiculous they are behaving), why would he take his own life?

The bullying was young boys being tactless and ignorant. Possibly even angry at their own deeply buried feelings and emotions. Possibly poorly parented; we are not to say. We know this to be true to some extent. Because of this knowledge we can reason, decide, judge, debate, argue etc. No matter what we decide to do with this knowledge it remains that we understand. We understand the why and the how and the what, even though as all human beings the bullies were unique; they were at such an age that uniqueness only goes so far and the baser instincts and drives are more prevalent and predictable. The young man did not understand. At least he did not understand the bullies. He did not understand the whys, whats and hows as we do. Otherwise why would he take his own life?

I did not know the boy. Nor how capable he was intellectually. Nor do I know what dis/advantages he had because of his genes or status in society. No one can know these things but him. But I can look, I can know other individuals who are middling at intelligence, class, standing etc. I can see they've been bullied, raped, molested, beaten, broken...So many terrible things no human being deserves or should have to endure. I can then say that the boy, in his current state, with his current knowledge, his current understanding of the world or the universe or anything beyond. Decided he was better off dead than alive today.

If that isn't by his own means and decisions than I don't know what is. And I do not believe it is my place to say it's the school's. Or his parent's. Or his peer's. Or God's. Or whomever people feel like pinning the blame to get some kind peace in feeling like they guessed or knew correctly.

If you can't blame the boy because of ignorance then you cannot blame the bullies. And you cannot blame the parents for the same reason or anyone else. You might as well claim it's an act of God in all his "mystery".


I see my view is more than compassionate. I do not claim to know anyone involved in this incident. Nor do I claim to know the truth. But I have known more people than I care to remember who have claimed their own lives. But what I do recall is that whatever the reasons. However they were raised. No matter that other people are currently suffering worse. They ultimately decided they can no longer bear it. And no one has more control over what they can bear than their own selves.

Perhaps that's what people need to realize. Instead of singling someone out to blame; to realize it's a myriad of causes and effects. That each case is individual. That problems are not solved in the court room. They are solved in the arms of loved ones. In the hearts and minds of the would-be victims. That problems or issues or tragedies like this could and should be averted by a collective wholeness in which all of our society takes part. Where people focus on the betterment of life. Not their lives, or their family's. But everyone.

How to go about this idealism I could only begin to tell you. And then I would be lost and dumbfounded stumbling on my own thoughts. But I do whatever and everything I can to positively and realistically impact the people around me. And at this current point in time that is all I'm capable of doing.

And that's more than most people give and do, I fear.

[BR_Parkway]

8. You seem to have missed the concept entirely

And how is bullying against homosexuals any worse than prejudice against Muslims?

Or Christians?

Or imbeciles?

Or blacks?

Or women?

Or people with glasses?

Or people with red hair?

Or people with lisps?

Please tell me which of those groups gets the daily and constant message that they are hated, evil, sinners, defective, perverted, etc that a young homosexual grows up hearing in addition to the direct bullying?

Please tell me which of those groups has teachers actively preaching against them or passively standing by and allowing the bullying to happen?

Please tell me which of those groups stands alone most of the time in their own mind the way a GLBT person does?

[RyanPsych]

9. As a counselor, I would LOVE for you to show me empirical data

regarding this "proven fact" about bullies.

[Papagoose]

5. I really don't think that's fair to say

I'm acquainted with this family, though I don't know the parents themselves. His family seems to have done almost everything right from what I've been able to tell. In hindsight, of course, it's easy to pick apart the situation to find the mistakes that may have been made, but as a parent myself, I can't see these people deserving of any of the blame here.

[HopeHoops]

3. I got "gay bashed" when I was 13 because I was small and my mom made me keep my hair short.

The ONLY thing I wanted when I was 13 was a pair of titties and whatever that mysterious thing they called a "pussy" was. I already HAD a cock. What would I need with another one? Still, I was a fag, and all the other terms they used, and they'd push me around, give me wedgies in the locker room since most of the guys were built like gorillas (and just as hairy) and all the gym teacher did was laugh because he was a fucking asshole.

I moved in with my dad shortly after that and that shit came to an abrupt halt. I grew my hair out, copped an attitude, and wouldn't back down from ANY fight, regardless of how large the opponent was. That got me out of way more fights than giving in ever did. I use a cane and wear a back brace now but I'm still not going to take any shit from anyone.

It isn't just that gay kids are bashed, it is that bullies want to feel superior so they show it by threatening those who are least likely to respond. Unfortunately, there's a cultural insecurity built in to actually being gay. Not all of the suicides of this nature are because someone was gay, but the bully problem is rampant. I really don't know if there's a solution - just look at Congress. That has nothing to do with being gay, just bullying.

[RyanPsych]

10. There may be no single legislative solution, however

State chambers can pass comprehensive bullying protections as well as education about bullying and naming "safe zones" or resources for LGBTQ kids.

The big problem with homophobic bullying- is that adults do it, on a wider scale. Kids go to church and hear their pastor rant about gays and how they are evil/sinful/trying to destroy the family. They hear their parents talking about voting against gay rights. They hear politicians claim that they need to protect children from gays and lesbians, and see Republicans parade ramnpant homophobes up on capitol hill (and state capitols) and they see all these laws banning gay rights. What are they going to do when they see gay kids at school? Probably emulate what their parents and religious leaders do- except with the added cruelty of adolescence. They call them fags and dykes, they avoid them and make fun of people who associate with them, and they even beat them up.

It is much more than a simple bullying issue- it is a national attitude issue. Politicians and Religious leaders have blood on their hands. However, bullying protections and education about helping resources can help alleviate the suicidality.

[HopeHoops]

11. That's a major part of it. To a lot of kids, gay just means "weaker than me".

Politicians throw the term around so much they might as well create a professional sport out of it.