The small victories of the past few weeks have done more harm than good as the sleeping homophobia monster awakens.A rant by bocadem.
---------------------------------------------------------------
I see it everywhere and it sickens me. On a daily basis I am assaulted by pro-family imagery. Our president talks about families as the christian hate-mongers who support him attack gays as some kind of anti-family pack of demons. Any news of gay rights approaching that of straight rights sets off alarms for these people and puts their propaganda effort into full effect - and the people listen.
I suppose some background is in order. One of the best ways to understand an opinion is to understand the writer of that opinion. I'm a 23-year-old gay male who has recently felt under attack. Not directly, but in a more collective sense. I'm not the activist type, nor do I fit in with the stereotypically gay, but I am a part of their social group. I relate to their problems and when a victory (or defeat) in the world of gay politics occurs, I feel it.
I've been feeling it a lot lately. My friends, who are all straight, have been getting into serious heterosexual relationships. There has been talk of marriage and in one case there has been a pregnancy. Assuming nothing, I have continued to be their friend as I have been for years. But something is different. This new game of "dress-up" that they are playing has had an odd, homophobic side effect. They are now empowered by their relationships, barrelling down the tracks, towards an altar and a ceremony, and I have been left behind.
Not just left behind, but excluded. Seen as a threat to the sanctity of their heterosexual union, the faggot has been removed from the picture. Gone are their days of being young, liberal freethinkers. Replaced by God-knows-what. Perhaps kids and minivan. I know these people, or at least thought I did. They are in love with the thought of playing the part - being just like they see on TV. Which brings us to the problem. It's Queer Eye vs. Everybody Loves Raymond - with sponsors stuck in the middle.
Everyone knows it's not normal to hate gay people. Generally you can't tell if someone is gay by their appearance. Unlike hatred towards black people, fueled by a type of xenophobia because of a difference of appearance, hatred towards gays is different. In my experience there are three categories of gay haters:
1. The abused
2. The religious
3. The closeted
The abused are people who have been sexually assaulted, usually at a young age, by someone of the same sex. Their traumatic experience has led them to hate anyone who is like their abuser.
The religious are blind. I pity them. That's all I can say.
The closeted have built a wall and a mechanism to hide from their true self. The way to hide is to lash out at gay people. I am sorry to say that I did this, briefly, at a young age.
So what's with the new gay hate? It's not even really gay hate - but homophobia in it's
true form. My friends who are getting married aren't #1, #2, or #3 - they're just regular folks. Yet their behavior towards me has definitely taken a turn for the worse. Just like America's behavior towards the gay mainstream.
Forget Queer Eye. Forget Boy Meets Boy. Forget Will & Grace. Contrary to what some people argue, these shows do not indicate the beginning of mainstream acceptance. There is an effort in Hollywood to experiment with these shows, and so far things are looking good, but there may be an unwanted side-effect. Polls recently have been showing a decreasing support of gay marriage. Something or several things have triggered society's gay reflex and people are saying, "You mean they actually wanted those rights they talked about?" No, we were just kidding.
All I want is to be left alone.
The supreme court ruling that got rid of sodomy laws will help me do exactly that. How dare anyone, especially the government, concern themselves with what goes on in my bedroom (nothing much, lately.. but I digress). Gay people don't want special rights, they want equal rights, and here's a news flash: Equal rights aren't about power, they're about fitting in, blending in, and being left alone. Heterosexual marriages don't make the news, but if it's a gay civil union, watch out - it'll lead at 5pm in some cities.
So what's the point?
The point is, someone, whether it be Hollywood or the corporations is realizing that this 10% of the population has A LOT of disposable income to spend and we want to feel normal. We want to fit in.
The other 90% is having a hard time with it. I wish I knew why. Some of them are #1, #2, and #3 - the others, I suppose they are just resistant to change, but I hope that they're not like my friends, playing House - with the TV image of Mom & Dad, apple pie, and 2 kids with a dog - because it's those people who can actually stop the forward movement for gays.
"We don't talk to the gays..."
"There's a gay uncle somewhere in our family tree, but we don't talk to him..."
"Ahhh, it's great to be straight!"