BIZZARO WORLD! Jehovah’s Witnesses Mad That Atheists Won’t Keep Their Views to Themselves

[Bennyboy]

http://blogs.alternet.org/speakeasy/2010/09/06/jehovahs-witnesses-mad-that-atheists-wont-keep-their-views-to-themselves/


"You can now download the latest issue of Awake, the Jehovah’s Witness’s strange little magazine. The theme of this issue is those marching militant atheists, so it’s a little bit personal.

Unfortunately, I was only able to read as far as the second sentence before I was blinded by the irony.

A new group of atheists has arisen in society. Called the new atheists, they are not content to keep their views to themselves.

That's right. The door-knockin', rabidly proselytizing cult is rebuking atheists for not keeping their views to themselves.

I guess that's fair. Twice now I've watched in anticipation as the local JWs do their thing, working their way up the street, only to see them look at my house, check a piece of paper they carried with them, and turn around to leave. There was also a third time when a couple actually knocked on my door, started their little spiel, and I interrupted them to tell them I was an atheist, would they like to come in and talk about freedom from religion? And they ran away."
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SNIPPAGE<<<<

[IntravenousDemilo]

1. IOKIYAJW n/m

[old mark]

2. The Witnesses send people door to door handing out Watchtowers.

When was the last time the athiests sent anyone to your house to sign you up?
rec
mark

[LiberalFighter]

3. We should.

It should be easy when we tell them we don't want them to tithe to us. That they don't have to worry about going to hell. There won't be a 2nd coming because there never was a 1st coming.

All we ask is that they be good stewards of their family and community.

[LiberalFighter]

4. When they come around wanting us to joing their religion we should ask them...

How much am I suppose to pay?

[Bennyboy]

5. Through the TV and rock music........

all the time....

[awoke_in_2003]

9. We have to figure out something...

to hand out. I know- kittens :)

[Moostache]

21. I prefer sandwich bags of human feces...but kittens are good too...

I actually ask them to come back when my gay lover is home from work (*) so that we can both hear their wonderful message at the same time and then have some wine and good old fashioned sodomy to celebrate.

(*not meaning to imply anything wrong with gay people - I am straight, married and have children for full disclosure - its just about the most offensive thing in their world view so I use it on them like weapons-grade plutonium)

[The Doctor.]

14. They don't come by to talk to me anymore either.

It might have been something I said.
:blush:

[old mark]

15. I hope you didn't insult them too much - they get all warm and gushy

when they feel like they are being persecuted for their religion. I hate to reinforce their insanity.

mark

[The Doctor.]

19. Oh no friend, what I do to them is infinitely worse...

I trick them into thinking.

It's even more egregious when they have their kids with them. Once a child starts thinking, it's difficult to make them stop.

[sakabatou]

20. Oh, how do you do it?

I would like to prepare myself...

[The Doctor.]

24. Well, some years ago...

A couple JW's showed up at my door with their (apparently adopted) children. I posed interest, as usual, and shortly invited them in.

They used the same pitch as always. The following is an approximation.

"So how do you know all this to be true?", I ventured.

"Well, The Bible has a very clear message for all of us."

"Oh, of course. Umm.... there are lots of good books though."

"Yes, but this is the Word of God."

"How do you know that?"

"The scripture of those who witnessed God is in The Book."

"So, you believe the book is the Word of God because the book says it is? Would you believe I am the Emporer of the Universe and bow at my feet if I said so to you?"

"Oh, no... you don't understand. Millions of people believe in the Word of God as written in The Bible."

"Oh... so then you would believe I am Emporer of the Universe if millions of others did too. Got it. Then I could have you go house to house and bring the truth of ny sovereignty to all. Right?"

I didn't let them out of the question. I just kept bringing them back to how they would believe me emporer under all the same criteria they believed in their 'Word', and then asked them; "If all of that were true about me, and you would still refuse to believe, then why do you believe this under the same circumstances?"

"You don't understand.", they said, and made to leave.

"You'll figure this out, just think for youselves.", I said this to the pre-teen boys. At that, they bustled themselves and the kids out the door.

I have a few handles for these people, but I rarely get to use them unless I move. They never do come back.

[DirkGently]

6. Holy hypocrisy. nt

[Warpy]

7. I don't think I ever told them I'm an atheist

but night nurses are RABID when some joker leans on the doorbell and won't go away until they stagger to the door. They really think they can sell somebody Jesus after they've leaned on the doorbell for a solid five minutes!

They didn't like what confronted them so they left and they haven't bothered me for over a decade. Nor do the Mormons. Nor do the Baptists. Nor do any of the other door knocking god botherers.

I'm sure they really resent having to skip this house. I'm glad for that. Any resentment I can heap upon proselytizers of any stripe is good resentment.

[Tansy_Gold]

8. I opened the door naked the last time, eight or ten years ago

They were an older woman (50-60ish) and a young man (early 20s), possibly mother and son. I don't know for sure if they were JW or LDS.

Though I had explained to their various representatives on numerous previous occasions that my husband worked nights and slept days and I had really no tolerance for their door bell ringing since I wasn't always home to stop them, this time I was home and I decided to teach them a lesson.

"Your records should indicate there is a day sleeper here," I told them calmly. "You woke me up."

They never came back.


Where I live now they would have to come through two gates, both with large "BEWARE OF DOG" signs. And since the dogs bark furiously from inside the house, no one has dared to venture near the door.


TG, NTY

[smokey nj]

10. Mr. smokey is great at handling proselytizers.

One time he and some friends scared off a couple of LDS missionaries by offering them beer and inviting them to join a poker game that was already in progress.

Another day, shortly after 9/11, I came home from the gym and saw a copy of Watchtower on our phone table. I asked him where it came from and he told me that a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses had come to the door. I asked him if he told them to go to hell and leave us alone. He said he hadn't, but rather explained to them why we don't like religion and using 9/11 as the kick off pointed out how religion is behind many of the worst things humans have done to each other. He said they actually had a very nice discussion and when the Jehovah's Witnesses left they were in full agreement with him.

I wish I could be more like him, I just fly off the handle when anybody tries to "save" me.

[Diclotican]

13. smokey nj

smokey nj

Wel, this Later day saints, would not be scared to be invited to a game of poker.. Not that Im a good poker player (rather i SUCKS big time), but as long as the beer is non-alcoholic, im game... Wel, as an missionary I would posible came into some problems, but as an single member I might just be told to stop it.... (Yes, I drink beers, as long as it is non-alcoholic, i once drunk a man under the table becouse he belived I was driking regular beer;).. The story had a twist, when I was stoped by the police the same night, and had to take a breatlizier, twice from two squad cars, becouse the officer belived it to be broke.. after 45 min I was cut loose, after I told finaly that I had been driking non-alkoholic beer all night...The officer was not happy, as he told that I could have told him that I had, but as I pointed out, he was not asking me if I was driking non-alkoholic beer, just beer.. And I had my feet on dry land for it.. But they was driving behind me, right to I parked my car home, to be sure that I was not doing something stupid) (for the most part, police in Norway is not that violent, and not known to beat a man to near death, mostly becouse they have a strict police law in place, and if they are using violence, they have to go true a lot of paperwork, and posible also true the police intern affairs, who would tear the man up and down to get to the truth, and I mean all the truth... SO it is more easy to be calm and polite, than to go true the hell after... And i my experience police officers have been decent, and polite, and even funny if you crack a joke to them.. (just be carefull who you joke with, it can backfire!) It helps maybe that our police dosen't have weapons as part of the uniform, the do have weapons in the car, but have to get a Go to use it, strict guidelines!

But off course, its is wrong to prozelyte when you are not welcome to do it.. Some missionaries goes little over the top to make their goals meet.. And could more than posible also keep a little calm when they are making a move..

When I was first intredused to the LDS it way by two gentle young men, who was calm, decent, and humble.. I can't say I regret the fact that they knocked om my door.. But that is different from person to person I guess;) With a more aggresive posture from the missionaries, I might never had welcomed them into my home.

Diclotican

[yellerpup]

11. Dwight Eisenhower was raised a Jehovah's Witness

Do you suppose he could still be elected today?

[dflprincess]

12. If he had still had a military career

Jehovah Witnesses are conscientious objectors so I would guess Eisenhower left the faith pretty early in life.

I doubt that anyone who was practicing member of a faith that forbade participating in war could be elected president.

[yellerpup]

16. Good point.

Although I'd like to see the conscientious objector dynamic in play--or at least, I think I would.

[Canuckistanian]

17. I tell them I'm officially declaring their dead ancestors to be atheists

And I'm putting their names in a book.

[RainDog]

18. LOL. Onion-worthy title n/t

[TalkingDog]

22. I used to be a Unitarian, but I converted over to Jehovah's Witness,

Now I come and knock on your door for no apparent reason.

[trekbiker]

23. I dated a Jehova Witness... a crazy experience

I was about 20, she was a beautiful blond. For two months she tried her best to convert me, I even attended the Kingdom Hall with her, very bizarre, very much like a cult. There were no windows in the building and no particular preacher as far as I could tell. Various people would get up to talk using the Watchtower as a pre-programmed guide. Even little kids would get up and talk in front of the 200 or so people there (very good public speaking training I must say). Anyone from the congregation could participate and church members with pole mikes roved up and down the ailes and would stick the mike in the face of whichever Witness wanted to speak (read ver-batim from the watchtower or this other pamphlet - cant remember the name). I was easily the worst dressed person in the congregation.

Dinner at her home was also very disturbing. Her four sisters and her mother were all very committed Witnesses and talked non-stop about their "Pioneer" work while the father sat at the head of the table staring at his food, never saying a word. She had no brothers and I really felt sorry for her dad. She dumped me after two months... needless to say, I did'nt "get any".

About 6 months later I learned that her father had gone berserk, busted all the windows out in the house while the mother and a couple sisters barricaded themselves in a bedroom. He then ran off to Los Angeles.

[yellowcanine]

25. Oh crap. I hope this doesn't mean that Atheists are going to be parading down my street in cheap

suits on Saturdays, knocking on doors and making a general nuisance of themselves while I am trying to finish the all important "honey do's" so that I will have time to work on my motorcycle.