How to Date a Corporation: Dating Rules for a Post-Citizens United World

[yurbud]

The Supreme Court recently determined that corporations are entitled to freedom of speech because they are legally persons. The ramifications of this decision, Citizens United v. Federal Elections Commission, cannot be overstated: it introduces an entirely new and untapped population into the dating pool.

Investigate the company the corporation keeps. Who is on its board of directors? Have any been indicted?

Assume the worst. Corporations have a one track mind and they can’t wait to get their hands on your goods.

And last but not least…Protect yourself. Corporations can be very reckless and you never really know how many people this corporation has screwed.


http://thefastertimes.com/politicalhumor/2010/01/26/how-to-date-a-corporation-dating-rules-for-a-post-citizens-united-world/

[rurallib]

1. Corps have been dating each other for years. Marriages are called mergers

Maybe we should change the marriage laws to reflect the new corporate personhood. We should now call all marriages mergers. As such, gender becomes irrelevant.

[RKP5637]

3. When I was in corporations and we had potential partner corps. coming in

for meetings, the typical saying was, "We gotta get in bed with these guys." The recent SC ruling brings a whole new meaning to the statement, "use contraceptives." As one poster said, "you never know who they screwed last."

[Ozymanithrax]

2. Yes, we should all practice safe consumerism... n/t

[RKP5637]

4. Yeah, now we need a whole new category of STD's. Now we need CTD's, Corporate

Transmitted Diseases.

[yurbud]

5. when you have relations with them, you need one of these condoms: