The Ballad of Clumpy

[babylonsister]

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/25044

The Ballad of Clumpy
by Stacie Adams | November 19, 2009 - 10:09am Share


I'm not much of humanitarian. However, my fetid heart strings sometimes get plucked by the most impoverished, downtrodden people in society; the homeless, the ritually abused and neglected, those born into dire situations and never really standing a chance in the face of enormous adversity.

However, people who have never existed rarely affect me emotionally, unlike pro-lifers, who are utterly consumed by the plight of these potential people. It's a very philosophical notion, pining for something that never actually existed.

I believe I've cracked the nut of pro-lifer's reverence towards the unborn. It's easy to champion a person that doesn't exist. It's a blank slate to imagine the majesty of human potential. But the reality of the situation is that most people will not ascend to the lofty height of personal success as imagined by fervent pro lifers.

snip//

Of course this sinister conjecture is just as pointless and faulty as the reverse. There is no sense in pondering it because it never was and it never will be. It’s a shallow ploy to manipulate the weak willed and sensitive, and that is what pro lifers deal in, crude emotional ploys to brow beat you into agreeing with them.

But it takes no integrity to champion something unreal. Morally, you risk nothing, because little Clumpy is never going to come back to haunt you with his misdeeds and bad behavior, unlike putting your faith in actual human beings, who often end up disappointing you and making you look foolish.

So here's to little Clumpy and all the hell he was spared. He'll never have to work a shitty job he hates. He'll never order something at a restaurant and find a hair in it. And best of all, Clumpy will never know that a whole bunch of arrogant christian assholes are rooting for him while decrying just about every other living thing that isn't also an arrogant christian asshole.