Come Up With the Best Title for Dick Cheney's Forthcoming Memoir

[Demeter]

Win a Prize in BuzzFlash's Newest Contest: Come Up With the Best Title for Dick Cheney's Forthcoming Memoir
Submitted by meg on Wed, 06/03/2009 - 12:06pm.

* BuzzFlash Fun

A BUZZFLASH CONTEST

Browsing the proliferation of summer reading lists over the past few weeks, BuzzFlash has had publishing on the mind. Because we try to bring you the best in progressive reading -- along with our favorites in free trade, movies and more -- at our BuzzFlash Progressive Marketplace, we're always on the lookout for new political reads. So when we saw that the champion of our 2009 March Madness Sour Sixteen contest was fishing for a book deal, we couldn't help but take note.

The New York Times reported last month that former Vice President Dick Cheney is seeking more than $2 million in advance for the pleasure of publishing his memoir.

In that same article, the Times reports the previous administration has formed a kind of talking point study group reunion to make sure they all lie the same way in their independent forays into the world of "writing." The former president and his wife are each penning a memoir, along with former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, former Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and Karl Rove, on whom the NYT has finally bestowed the official title of "former presidential political mastermind."

Whew, that's a lot of formers. Can the bargain bins at Wal-Mart handle the influx?

While some former teammates of Bush & Co. have deals in the works, Darth Vader doesn't yet have an official publishing agreement. Sara K. Smith predicts that Cheney's memoir will stand out from the crowd, writing that the "manuscript, written longhand, perhaps in chicken blood or children's tears, revealing all the most sinister secrets and fevered imaginings that passed through his robot skull during his eight-year reign" will have "true crossover appeal."

But in order to really make it in the publishing world, the title is everything. Jon Stewart had a couple of great suggestions in a March episode of The Daily Show (his list begins around the three-minute mark of this video):

http://www.comedycentral.com


The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Interview With a Vampire


This open letter to Cheney from E-Reads.com offers a compensation package over and above the requested $2 million on the condition that the former vice president disclose a laundry list of secrets from his involvement in Plamegate to the twisting of national security intelligence to how he "subverted the rule of law" and the Constitution.

An honest accounting of the wheelings and dealings of the Cheney/Bush White House? Fat chance.

The letter also suggests a title, but we can't reprint it here without censorship. This is where you come in, faithful BuzzFlash reader. While we love the sentiment of the folks at E-Reads, and Stewart always cracks us up, we think you can do better.

In that spirit, we ask our readers to label the libel, vituperate the vita and title the tirade in our latest contest. Tell us: What do you think the name of Dick Cheney's forthcoming memoir should be?

Now, we don't have the luxury of offering you $2 million for your literary contribution. But that doesn't mean the winner of this contest will go away empty-handed (more on our fabulous prizes below).

So here's how it works: You have until 8 a.m. Eastern Time on June 10 to submit your brilliant idea. In fact, submit as many brilliant ideas as you can come up with! While BuzzFlash staff will only pick one submission per reader to be a finalist, you may feel free to write in as many times as you like.

Submit your entries by leaving a comment below. You will need to sign up (or sign in) to leave a comment, but remember: Registration with BuzzFlash is always free and we don't send you any annoying e-mails or anything like that. BuzzFlash staff will vote on your entries, choosing the top eight of the submissions we receive within the next week. Then we're turning it back over to our readers to vote on the top two winners.

water bottle klean kanteenTo the contributor who wins first prize, BuzzFlash will send our favorite new premium: the 27 oz. stainless steel water bottle from Klean Kanteen. This versatile, environmentally-friendly water bottle is free of toxins you might find in plastic water bottles, and comes with your choice of a sports cap or screw-on lid. obama puzzle

Our second prize winner will receive our 1,000-piece Obama puzzle featuring the 44th president of the United States surrounded by inspiring words and phrases from his campaign and inaugural speeches. It's the perfect rainy day activity for the whole family.

Share your submission by commenting below between now and Wednesday, June 10. We can't wait to hear your ideas of what former Vice President and current lord of darkness Dick Cheney should call his coming memoir! Best of luck, and be sure to check back in a week to vote on the finalists.

A BUZZFLASH CONTEST

http://blog.buzzflash.com/buzzflashfun/001

[blm]

1. The Uber-Ugly American

.

[blm]

2. I, Traitor

.

[Optical.Catalyst]

3. Only 'Dicks' make it to the top

[EFerrari]

4. My Weasels Rip Your Flesh.

[jimshoes]

5. Strings Attached

with a picture of Dr. Evil holding the puppet strings of bush the lesser.

[blm]

6. Fascists Shrugged

.

[Mythsaje]

7. "Fuck You, America."

Subtitle:

"How I screwed everyone and laughed all the way to the bank and back."

[Sebastian Doyle]

8. "I Fucked America Hard and Shot It In The Face"

by Sith Lord Darth Cheney

[Cant trust em]

9. Inside Dick's head.

[tazkcmo]

10. Eating Puppies and Plundering Countries

The Dick Cheney Guide to Infamy

[rusty charly]

11. "Dr. Strangehate- Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Electrode"

[stevedeshazer]

12. Dick: What's Really In My Pants

The cover:

[SoCalNative]

13. I Don't Know Dick

eom

[MineralMan]

15. You Don't Know Dick

would be better...

[MineralMan]

16. My Military Career

Shortest book in history.

[Xipe Totec]

14. My Life as a Louse n/t

[myrna minx]

17. So Long Suckers! n/t

[Tangerine LaBamba]

18. "I Am Dick"

That pretty much sums up his vile life................

[Libby2]

19. Little Dickey does Washington

[Rincewind]

20. George W. Bush was my butt boy.

Or, Every Dead American Solider is money in my pocket.

[Demeter]

21. "With Malice Aforethought"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malice_aforethought

...Specifically in the criminal law, malice aforethought (or malice prepense) is the element of mens rea (Latin for "guilty mind") which must accompany the actus reus of death, in order to secure a conviction for murder under the common law. In other words, knowledge that through an action or omission, the result will be some one's death.

Malice aforethought is a precisely defined legal term that does not correspond to the lay definitions of either of its constituent words. It means one of any of the following states of mind concurrent with an act or omission that resulted in death of a person. One textbook defines it as "a term of art if not a term of deception."<1> The author further states that "murder does not require either spite or premeditation. Mercy killing can be murder, so can a killing where the intent is conceived on the instant." In English law the mens rea requirement is an intention to cause death or to cause serious injury. Intention in this context is found either when the perpetrator acts with the purpose of causing death or serious injury, or, following Reg. v. Woollin <1999> 1 AC 82, where death or serious injury is a 'virtually certain' result of the perpetrator's act and the perpetrator has knowledge that death or serious injury is a virtually certain result...


Not to be confused with the mystery novel or the movie....

[thread-bear]

22. peoples exhibit #1

or Determined Later:Judgment Day

[salguine]

23. "Mein Kampf"

[Demeter]

24. Plagiarism Is Not Advised

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but neither should be flattered...

[santamargarita]

25. I like John Stewart's piece "Dick (uncut)"

~

[Cresent City Kid]

26. Five People I've Sent to Heaven

Tuesdays with Mephistophiles

How to Make Enemies and Influence People

In Cold Blood ... oops, taken

[classysassy]

27. The weasel from wyoming

[Stinger2]

28. Four Pricks and a Cunt Do Washington Paid for by Corporate Whores

[Stinger2]

29. Hermaphrodites Find lower Species in Washington Eight Years in the Making.

[Politicalboi]

30. I know what you said last summer.

[Demeter]

31. A Chilling Thought, and Good Reminder

[BlueMTexpat]

32. Chickenhawk: Life Story of a Dick Without Balls

or

Blackwater Dick: How I Learned to Love Halliburton

or

The Constant Dick

or

How to Shoot Friends in the Face and Influence People

[tom_paine]

33. The Evil Inside

[trusty elf]

34. Unzipped

[raging_moderate]

35. How to Enrich Friends and Subjugate People

Part one of a series