The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 358

[top10]

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 358

February 16, 2009
Roadblock Party Edition

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This week the National Republican Senatorial Committee (1) takes top honors with its ongoing effort to prevent Minnesota from having two Senators. Elsewhere, The National Republican Trust PAC (3) is threatening to drive the final nail into the GOP's coffin, John McCain (6) is desperately trying to remain relevant, and The RNC (9) still isn't funny. Enjoy, and don't forget the key!



The National Republican Senatorial Committee

Republicans are just about shizzling in their pants at the prospect of having to welcome Al Franken to the U.S. Senate, but they'd better get used to the idea - things http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gMpTmr96V5hKIfyHT4Av4jsVQgrQD96B1TMG0">aren't going so well for Norm Coleman at the moment.

Still, getting Franken into the Senate could take a while. Thanks to Minnesota law, he can't be seated while there is an ongoing legal challenge. And so the GOP has decided to do what they do best - throw up a bunch of roadblocks and waste everybody's time. http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0209/18832.html">According to Politico:

Franken, the former comedian, leads Republican Norm Coleman by 225 votes in a "Groundhog Day" of an election that dawned more than three months ago and shows no signs of ending soon.

Which is exactly how Senate Republicans want it. The National Republican Senatorial Committee held a ritzy fundraiser for Coleman in Washington this week, helping him raise the money he needs to keep his legal challenges alive through a trial and then a lengthy legal process if he loses.

(snip)

If Franken becomes the 59th senator to caucus with the Democrats, the GOP knows that Obama and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) will be able to railroad legislation through the Senate by picking off a single Republican moderate.

So while Coleman's gone - having neither won nor lost yet, he can't return to his old seat and has been booted from his Capitol Hill office - his friends in the party are doing everything they can to keep him in the game. At this week's NRSC fundraiser, PAC hosts paid $5,000 each; individual hosts had to pony up $2,300 apiece, and attendees paid between $500 and $1,000 to attend.

Republicans turned out in force. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) has already maxed out to Coleman's effort, giving $10,000 from his PAC, including $5,000 at the fundraiser - and House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) has given the maximum as well, according to a source familiar with the fundraiser.

Other Republican senators who contributed the $10,000 maximum limit include Mike Crapo of Idaho, Johnny Isakson of Georgia and Lamar Alexander of Tennessee, the third-highest ranking Republican in the Senate. Republican Sens. James Inhofe of Oklahoma and Charles Grassley of Iowa each contributed $5,000, while Collins chipped in another $2,000 and Sen. Lisa Murkowski of Alaska donated $1,000, the person said.

This is of course all in keeping with the GOP's new motto: "If you can't beat 'em, obstruct 'em."



Joe The Plumber And Friends

On the last episode of "As The Plumber Turns," Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher was in Israel reporting on the crisis in Gaza for right-wing blogging organization Pajamas Media. And what a trip it was. First Joe http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/jan/13/joe-plumber-war-correspondent-israel-gaza">revealed that, "The people of Sderot can't do normal things day to day, like get soap in their eyes in the shower, for fear a rocket might come in," before apparently giving up on his new profession by http://thinkprogress.org/2009/01/11/joe-plumber-media/">announcing, "I don't think journalists should be anywhere allowed war... You make a big deal out of it. I think it's asinine."

Flushed with success (no pun intended), The Plumber returned to the United States just in time to see Pajamas Media boss Roger Simon http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/archives/2009/02/pajamas_media_r.php">run out of cash and throw his bloggers under the bus. Bummer. If only he hadn't spent all that money sending Joe halfway around the world just to tell reporters to suck it.

But it's okay, because while the ex-bloggers of Pajamas Media are http://proteinwisdom.com/?p=14222">crying into their keyboards, Joe is bouncing right back. http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0209/18324.html?loc=interstitialskip">According to a recent Politico report:

Fresh off his stint as a war correspondent in Gaza, Joe the Plumber is now doing political strategy with Republicans.

When GOP congressional aides gather Tuesday morning for a meeting of the Conservative Working Group, Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher - more commonly known as Joe the Plumber - will be their featured guest. This group is an organization of conservative Capitol Hill staffers who meet regularly to chart GOP strategy for the week.

Wurzelbacher, who became a household name during the presidential election, will be focusing his talk on the proposed stimulus package. He's apparently not a fan of the economic rescue package, according to members of the group.

On the next episode of "As The Plumber Turns": In a popular coup, Joe replaces Michael Steele as head of the RNC before disbanding the Republican Party and claiming that, "All this politics and stuff is just stupid and pointless."



The National Republican Trust PAC

Looks like Republicans have got a new enemy to worry about: themselves. Last week Scott Wheeler, head of the National Republican Trust PAC, http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/02/10/stimulus.gop.pac/">announced his intention to further drive his party into the political wilderness by threatening to run "real" conservatives against GOP moderates in upcoming elections.

"Republican senators are on notice," he said. "If they support the stimulus package, we will make sure every voter in their state knows how they tried to further bankrupt voters in an already bad economy."

Wheeler is talking about Olympia Snowe, Susan Collins, and Arlen Specter, the only three members of the entire GOP who dared to cross Rush Limbaugh and vote for Obama's stimulus package. And what a shame it would be if a http://downwithtyranny.blogspot.com/2009/02/far-right-thunders-against-republicans.html">well-funded Republican PAC started running batshit crazy wingnuts against these moderates, potentially opening the door for even more Democrats to grab Senate seats in a political environment that is decidedly unfriendly to the radical right. Yes, it seems that Wheeler is not merely content to see the GOP desperately clinging to the edge of the cliff - he wants to stomp on its fingers till it falls to its death.

Oh well!



David Vitter

Apparently the last eight years haven't worked out so well for Sen. David Vitter (R-Obviously), which is why he's now trying to pretend that he spent much of that time in a coma. Last week Vitter told the DC lawyers chapter of the Federalist Society that President Obama's philosophy on judges is like something you'd find in a "dictatorship." Why? Because, http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2009/02/diaper-dave-vitter-suggests-obama-wants-dictatorship">according to Mother Jones, Obama said "he'd like his judicial nominees to be able to empathize with the downtrodden." OMG, Obama is Hitler!

However, it seems that Vitter's main reason for chatting up the Federalist Society was not to project all of the last president's evil-doings onto the new president, but to complain about the stimulus package.

Vitter offered up a few specifics about the opposition party's political strategy given its diminished congressional power.Vitter said defeating the stimulus bill was never the goal; changing public opinion about it was. "We may have lost the vote, but we collectively have won the debate," he said, claiming that the public now perceived the bill as evidence that the Obama administration was not bringing real change to Washington, but rather just engaging in the same old wasteful government spending.

According to Vitter, the GOP is basically betting the farm that the stimulus package is going to fail, and the party wants Democrats to go down with it. "Our next goal is to make President Obama and liberal Democrats in Congress own it completely," he said. Instead of coming up with serious measures to save the economy, the party intends to devote its time to an "we told you so" agenda that will include GOP-only hearings on the bill's impact in the coming months to highlight the bill's purportedly wasteful elements and shortcomings.

So is that the only reason Vitter is interested in blocking the stimulus package and ensuring that the status quo is maintained on Wall Street? Political shenanigans? I assumed so - until I read http://rawstory.com/news/2008/Wall_Street_CEOs_investment_bankers_charged_0206.html">this recent article at Raw Story:

Wall Street CEOs, lawyers, bankers and media executives chalked up thousands of dollars in prostitution charges on their corporate credit cards -- swiping their cards for $2,000 an hour prostitutes, according to a New York madam who pleaded guilty last year.

Aha! It all becomes clear.



John Mica and Don Young

Last week the Washington Post http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/13/AR2009021303475.html">called the passage of President Obama's stimulus package, "an early victory of historic proportions." As noted, however, he had to get it done without the help of the Republican Party. With the exception of Sens. Specter, Snowe, and Collins, the rest of the GOP were too busy playing politics to go to work for the American people, and they all voted against the bill - no doubt secretly hoping, as David Vitter just admitted - that the stimulus would fail.

But don't let that stop them http://news.yahoo.com/s/mcclatchy/20090213/pl_mcclatchy/3167666">taking credit for it!

Rep. John Mica was gushing after the House of Representatives voted Friday to pass the big stimulus plan.

"I applaud President Obama's recognition that high-speed rail should be part of America's future," the Florida Republican beamed in a press release.

Yet Mica had just joined every other GOP House member in voting against the $787.2 billion economic recovery plan.

(snip)

But Mica wasn't alone in touting what he saw as the bill's virtues. Rep. Don Young , R- Alaska , also had nice things to say in a press release.

Young boasted that he "won a victory for the Alaska Native contracting program and other Alaska small business owners last night in H.R. 1, the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act."

You know, Republicans may not have a big tent, but they sure have a shed full of tools.



John McCain

So, within three weeks of coming to power President Obama scored a huge legislative victory - as Ron Brownstein put it on Meet The Press this week, he achieved more in one bill than many presidents do in an entire term.

But not so fast! It seems that some of our friends on the right haven't been able to get over their electoral thrashing just yet. Step forward John McCain, who was out and about whining to the press last week that Barack Obama isn't living up to his promises. http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/02/15/obama.gop.stimulus/index.html">According to CNN:

Sen. John McCain, R-Arizona, said Obama was off to "a bad beginning," out of step with the vow of bipartisanship both men made after Obama beat out the Republican presidential nominee for the White House in November.

"It was a bad beginning because it wasn't what we promised the American people, what President Obama promised the American people, that we would sit down together," McCain told CNN's "State of the Union With John King."

Well that's rich, coming from the so-called maverick independent who couldn't even run an election campaign without bending over for the lunatic right (cf. Sarah Palin) or corporate lobbyists (cf. Phil Gramm). Can you imagine the world of shit we'd be in right now if he were running the country?

But fortunately McCain isn't running the country. He's just one of 41 sad, impotent Republican senators who can do nothing but watch and whimper as history rolls right over them. See ya, suckers!



James Elkins

Florida police officer James Elkins was in hot water last week when the Fruitland Park police chief "petitioned the Florida Department of Law Enforcement this week to revoke (his) certification," http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/lake/orl-kkk1209feb12,0,1969506.story">according to the Orlando Sentinel.

Why?

Well let's just say that in his spare time James Elkins likes reading, walks on the beach, and...


Oh dear.



Fox News

Last week Fox News gave up on reporting the news altogether and decided to just start reading press releases from the Senate Republican Communications Center.

I'm not kidding. http://mediamatters.org/items/200902100019?f=h_latest">According to Media Matters:

During the February 10 edition of Fox News' Happening Now, co-host Jon Scott claimed that "the Senate is expected to pass the $838 billion stimulus plan -- its version of it, anyway. We thought we'd take a look back at the bill, how it was born, and how it grew, and grew, and grew."

In tracking how and when the bill purportedly "grew," Scott referenced seven dates, as on-screen graphics cited various news sources from those time periods. However, all of the sources and cost figures Scott cited, as well as the accompanying on-screen text, were also contained in a February 10 press release issued by the Senate Republican Communications Center. One on-screen graphic during the segment even repeated a typo from the GOP document, further confirming that Scott was simply reading from a Republican press release.

So I guess that's, "We Report, You Decide, Oh, Wait, Actually We Can't Really Be Bothered To Report."



The RNC

Last year, back in Idiots http://journals.democraticunderground.com/top10/325">325, I noted that the RNC had come up with a hilarious way to rag on the Democrats - comedic Valentine cards that rank-and-file Republicans could send to their friends. And boy, were they gut-busters.



Brilliant! But hey, I recognise those people... isn't the first one now the President of the United States, and the second one the Secretary of State?

Anyway, the cards were apparently so successful (er, apart from the fact that Obama's three years in the U.S. Senate apparently did qualify him to become president of the United States) that the RNC has decided to run with them again this year.


That's right, they couldn't even be bothered to find a new picture.

Here's my favorite though:


If someone could explain to me what on earth that is supposed to mean, I'm all ears.



Eric Swafford, Stacey Campfield, Glen Casada, and Frank Niceley

And finally: For months now, dead-ender conservatives have been trying in vain to nullify the results of the presidential election by inisting that Barack Obama is not a natural-born U.S. citizen. Never mind that he http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/barackobama/a/obama_citizen.htm">obviously is, and never mind that every attempt to challenge his citizenship so far has been http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5huhYJGiObCufedRkajFQv7O1Pd7A">shot down in flames. Still the wingnuts persist in their doomed quest to unseat the Prez. And last week they got some good news - http://www.tennessean.com/article/20090213/NEWS02/902130368/1009/NEWS02">according to The Tennessean:

Several Tennessee lawmakers have signed on to a legal action intended to force President Barack Obama to turn over his birth certificate and other documents to prove his citizenship, an effort rejected by the U.S. Supreme Court in an earlier case.

Tennessee Reps. Eric Swafford, Stacey Campfield, Glen Casada and Frank Niceley have all agreed to be plaintiffs in a planned legal action by a Russian immigrant in California who has challenged whether Obama meets constitutional criteria to be president.

Way to go, wingnuts! Now your still-doomed quest has the added credibility of four equally wingnutty state representatives. This could make all the difference! Or not.

Democratic lawmakers ridiculed the action Thursday at a weekly press conference, with one lawmaker asking, "Who's Eric Swafford?" and another answering, "He's from Mars."

The news of the lawsuit later provoked ribbing around the Capitol, with one legislative staffer approaching a lawmaker and demanding to see his birth certificate.

Meanwhile an op-ed in The Tennessean http://www.tennessean.com/article/20090215/COLUMNIST0101/902150378">summed up the matter quite nicely:

Let me just say what all the world is now thinking, including their fellow Republicans on the Hill: This is dumber than a box of rocks.

Tennessee Reps. Eric Swafford, Stacey Campfield, Glen Casada and Frank Nicely now have a giant "G" on their foreheads for "Gullible." The four were so willing to drink the craziest flavor of Kool-Aid, they've gotten themselves caught up in a national urban legend that has been thoroughly debunked.

What's next? A resolution honoring the Easter Bunny for doing such a great job with the annual colored egg delivery system? A proposed law asking these four to prove they have a brain?

But don't give up, guys - you never know, maybe one day Obama will slip up and say something in Arabic or forget to take his turban off before giving a press conference or something.

The Top 10 is moving to a bi-weekly schedule - it will return on Monday March 2, when I'll also have a long-needed update to the key. See you then!

-- EarlG

[JeffR]

1. Wooooooot!

:woohoo:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear EarlG!

You know, you have it entirely too easy, writing this!

I mean, the Republicans are so damn cooperative, letting you roll over them, week after week!

I mean, it's just not fair!


LOL!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

K&R

Thank you!

:patriot:

[vilanye]

3. FYI

Those lovely Valentines Cards were from 2008 not 2007, even though the linked page claims 2007.

No mention of Murdoch claiming they don't care about facts?

[EarlG]

9. So it is

My mistake, I fixed it. Now I have to fix that old page too...

[polmaven]

16. KO has corrected that.

Apparently, Murdoch said there is no room for FAT...not FACTS.

[ejbr]

4. Guantanamo is romantic this time of year?

I'm speechless. I wish I could mail the originator a post card from Iraq: "Wish You Were Here."

Thanks Earl!

[Autonomy]

5. Shed full of tools

LMAO

No clue on the Gitmo card. Doesn't make sense at all.

[Oldtimeralso]

6. RE; Your # 10

"What's next? A resolution honoring the Easter Bunny for doing such a great job with the annual colored egg delivery system? A proposed law asking these four to prove they have a brain?"

The tooth fairy told me about the great job the Easter Bunny was doing, he also raved about Santa Claus.

[Suji to Seoul]

15. Yeah, I heard that too. Somewhere I believe that Kilroy is going to be part

of the CIA as well. After all, Kilroy was here!

[Wetzelbill]

7. I will take a lot, but nobody bad mouths the Easter Bunny when I'm around. nt

[Wetzelbill]

8. Oh and I think the Gitmo card means...

That Obama should be sent to Gitmo himself, because, you know, he's a terrorist. lol Those Republics are heelarious. Wow, no wonder Obama wants to shut it down, because he might be in danger of....sending himself there? WTF?

[nxylas]

22. Or maybe the're trying to blame Obama for Gitmo

I've said before that Republicans are so used to lying and never being challenged that it wouldn't surprise me if they were to start claiming that Obama was responsible for the abuses at Guantanamo Bay in the expectation that their enablers in the corporate media woud just reply "daaaah, OK".

[Wetzelbill]

27. well you know

He did create the financial crisis by getting the nomination, surging ahead in the polls and then winning the presidency. That's a fact. It's the Obama recession.

[Kibitzer 2006]

10. Shouldn't Obama have to prove that he's a nut case?

"There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don’t know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president." -- Kurt Vonnegut, "Cold Turkey", In These Times, May 10, 2004

Apparently Tennessee's constitution has a similar requirement for legislators, and they enforce it.

--Kibitzer

[BobTheSubgenius]

11. As always......

....Fun By The Ton! Thanks, EarlG.

[NBachers]

12. Palin / Plumber 2012

[Number23]

13. That editorial from The Tennesean is straight up HILARIOUS

The writer comes as close as humanly possible to going Red Foreman on every last birther.

"The man was born on Aug. 4, 1961, in Hawaii. That, fellows, is a state. As in the "United STATES of America." It counts. See?

How on earth could the man have gotten a driver's license, Social Security card and the keys to the White House without being a U.S. citizen?"

DUMB ASS!!

[DUlover2909]

14. K&R

Thanks for all your hard work. Some stories slip through the cracks. I laughed hardily at your comments and use of style. Thanks again.

[Demeter]

17. You Can't Make This Stuff Up!

and the fact that GOP Dead-Enders can is one more sign of their increasingly tenuous grip on reality.

I am amazed and appalled by the variety and selection of insanity on offer. Those Valentines are about as funny as the Mallard Filmore comic strip, which not only is never funny, but doesn't even make sense.

The disarray of the GOP and their frantic attempts to hold the line--any line--are more frightening than humorous. These people are one step from explosion. Instead of reaching out to them, we should be putting them in protective custody, for their own safety.

[Optical.Catalyst]

18. Kick

[ShortnFiery]

19. Commendable Research.

Five Stars ***** :-)

[connecticut yankee]

20. If Joe the Plumber

is the best they can do as a political strategist, they're really in trouble.

What in the world can these guys be thinking? And they expect the rest of the country to take them seriously?

Sheesh!

:rofl:

[GinaMaria]

21. Best republican name ever.... Mike Crapo of Idaho

[happygoluckytoyou]

23. I LOVE THE GOP.... standing next to any Republican makes me feel smarter, better, gooder !

[Career Prole]

24. Is it just me

or do those KKK'ers in item 7 just look pathetically ridiculous? WTF is that, anyway? A shot for a KKKalendar page?
Grow up, ya jagoffs!
:rofl:

[Island Blue]

25. Ya gotta love the KKK Kasual Wear though.

Nothing says "Fear This" like a stripped polo shirt :rofl:

[OpEd]

26. John Kerry

I keep coming up with this scene in my head. It starts with Lt. Kerry in Viet Nam only he's in the unit from platoon. In my mind the Willem Dafoe character say to Lt. Kerry, "Hay man you got to hear this," and shows him down into the 'heads' dugout. Lt. Kerry says, "Man I don't want to get high." Willem Dafoe character says, "No, man you got to hear this guy." Then Lt. Kerry is lead down to the 'heads' dugout where there's a really stoned guy with a tea shirt on his head so it looks like a turban. The guy looks up at Lt. Kerry with really blood shot eyes and starts to talk. "John Kerry, I see your future. I see in the year 2004 you will run for president of the United States of America. You will loose. You will loose to a man who spent his time in a national guard unit that his dad got him into, so that he would not have to come here. And, you will loose partly based on your service record." At this Lt. Kerry turns to the Willem Dafoe character and says, "Man you guys are smoking too much dope!"

[Island Blue]

32. I'm not sure what this has to do with my comment but, okay.

:wtf:

[ladym55]

28. People worried that with Obama's election we'd have no sources of humor

People forgot that the Rethuglicans would not go quietly into that goodnight ...

It seems that we have lots of idiot Rethuglican activity to keep us going. They truly are a shed full of tools.

The stuff just seems to write itself sometimes ... :rofl:

[Initech]

30. Jon Stewart nailed the stimulus last Wednesday (pun intended?).

Go look it up on the official Daily Show website.

[Initech]

29. So has that idiot gone away yet?

Samuel Joe the "Plumber" "War Correspondant" "Political Analyst" T-shirt salesman - has he had his fifteen minutes yet? They seem to be ticking away slower than normal.

[TransitJohn]

31. Thanks as always EarlG!

The Top 10 was what got me hooked on the DU in '04! Keep 'em coming!