The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 349

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The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 349

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 349

August 25, 2008
McMansion Edition

Before we begin this week, I should first say congratulations to Sen. Joe Biden, who was selected by Barack Obama to be the Democratic candidate for vice president. Change, experience, judgment, backbone... I think we may have a winning ticket here!

Now, this week's list is a little different - I was away last week, and a giant backlog of McCain gaffes and blunders appears to have built up since then. So this week it's all McCain (although I was able to find some room at the end for the Best of the Rest). Enjoy!

The Housing Crisis

Despite pledging to run a respectful campaign, John McCain blatantly jumped into the muck first with his Paris Hilton and Moses ads, in a cheap (but successful) effort to steal the spotlight from Obama's trip overseas. There was a price: McCain's media-enabled "post-partisan" image - a critical part of his political campaign - was significantly tarnished.

But the attack ads were working. While Obama took a week-long vacation his campaign seemed slow to respond, giving the media an opportunity to ooh and aah at McCain's shadowboxing. The poll numbers tightened. Democrats started to panic.

And then, from out of nowhere...

POLITICO: How many houses do you and Mrs. McCain have?

McCAIN: I think, er, I'll have my staff get to you. It's condominiums where, er, I'll have them get to you.

Ta da! Ladies and gentlemen, John McCain doesn't know how many houses he owns! But don't worry, he'll have his staff check into it for you!

Negative Is The New Positive

Within hours, the Obama campaign had an ad on the air, and were attacking McCain relentlessly. Oh noes! Didn't Obama say he was going to change the tone in Washington?

Sorry, Republicans, I don't think that will work this time. McCain's major gaffe was timed perfectly to fit the new campaign narrative - cue Joe Biden, who stepped up to the plate on Saturday and delicately garotted McCain with this beautiful line:

"Your kitchen table's like mine, you sit there at night after you put the kids to bed and you talk about what you need, you talk about how much you're worried about being able to pay the bills," Biden said.

"Well ... that's not a worry John McCain has to worry about. It's a pretty hard experience, he'll have to figure out which of the seven kitchen tables to sit at."

Ouch!

Panicking: Not Just For Democrats

We Dems are a jumpy lot, but Republicans have us beat by a mile when it comes to really tearing out hair and chewing on fingernails. Just take a look at the GOP's frenzied reaction to the McMansion gaffe:

"We're delighted to have a real estate debate with Barack Obama," said (McCain) spokesman Brian Rogers, adding that the press should focus on Obama's house. "It's a frickin' mansion."

Charming. So anyway, here's a picture of Barack and Michelle's "frickin' mansion."

Wow, look at that place! It's a fuckin' palace! Street parking and everything.

Meanwhile, here's a picture of part of one of McCain's many homes.

Hey, do you know how many homes McCain has? Neither does he! Thanks for continuing to talk about homes, McCain campaign. What else you got?

BRIAN ROGERS: In terms of who's an elitist, I think people have made a judgment that John McCain is not an arugula-eating, pointy headed professor-type based on his life story.

Nice try, but I'm afraid the new narrative means that your attacks have transitioned from amusing and effective to childish and weak. But please, do continue...

Earlier in the news cycle, McCain's press team invoked Obama's friendship with a former member of the Weatherman, William Ayres, and an official said that even Obama's former pastor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, "is now fair game."

Right... because of course you had no plans to run ads about Jeremiah Wright and William Ayres until you were provoked by the Obama campaign. Hilarious.

Hey, Did You Know John McCain Is A Rich Out-Of-Touch Elitist?

Here's another great aspect of the homes gaffe: it's a perfect opportunity to dig up all of the other stories about McCain's millionaire lifestyle that the mainstream media has been carefully ignoring. Stories like:

What most people spend over thirty years on a home, McCain spends in one year on servants!

The McCains increased their budget for household employees from $184,000 in 2006 to $273,000 in 2007, according to John McCain's tax returns.

The additional cash supports an "increase in the number of employees," the McCain aide told Politico. The aide did not answer a question about whether the growing staff stemmed from addition of new properties to the family's real estate portfolio. (link)

The McCain family liked the beach condo so much, they had to buy another!

It turns out that a few months ago, a McCain family corporation closed on a second multi-million-dollar beach condo in the same building in exclusive Coronado, California -- at around the same time that John McCain offered his somewhat tone-deaf observation that struggling homeowners were "working at second jobs" and "skipping a vacation" in order to make mortgage payments on time.

Cindy McCain discussed the timing of the second condo purchase in a June interview with Vogue magazine (not online) that's newly relevant in light of the explosive controversy over John McCain's inability to recall how many homes the McCains own.

And in another fun fact that could pour fuel on this controversy, Cindy told her interviewer that the reason they needed a second beach condo in the Coronado building was that the first was too crowded because her kids were staying there and as a result she "couldn't get in the place."

Cindy continued: "So I bought another one." (link)

Hey, I'm only joking! The shitty ecomony is funny, right?

On almost every issue, the two presidential candidates have staked out opposing positions. Their contrasting views on wealth surfaced during their back-to-back appearances in Southern California on Saturday night when each was asked to define "rich."

Obama didn't hesitate. "I would argue that if you are making more than $250,000, then you are in the top 3, 4 percent of this country," he said. "You are doing well."

McCain took a far more discursive approach to answering the question but ultimately settled on a dramatically higher figure: "I think if you're just talking about income, how about $5 million?"

The Arizona Republican quickly added that he was "sure that comment will be distorted," and his campaign said Sunday that he was joking.(link)

Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads!

REPORTER: You're very complex, multi-faceted. You're a private pilot. Why did you start doing that?

CINDY McCAIN: Oh gosh, my husband was running for the Senate in Arizona, and in Arizona the only way to get around the state is by small private plane. (link)

What's the problem? This was all fair game four years ago!

RUSH LIMBAUGH, MARCH 23 2004: What do you consider a fair wage? John Kerry considers a fair wage a wife with 500 million. So, he had to find a company that had one. Well, there aren't too many of these companies that have little heiresses running around that are single, have 500 million that some guy can marry into.

RUSH LIMBAUGH, MARCH 26 2004: John Kerry's daddy is his wives. I mean, he's a gigolo. Everybody knows this. There's nobody in our party really has much respect for this guy and you can see it last night, but I can't say that. I mean, you got sugar daddy wife back then. You got sugar daddy wife now. He worked his way up from a blue blood to a platinum American Express card, and it doesn't have his name on it. (link)

He Doesn't Like To Talk About It, But...

Apparently sensing that even the combined powers of Rezko, Ayres and Wright might not get them out of this jam, the McCain campaign grasped for their number one trump card. Shortly after explaining that John McCain doesn't have a "pointy head," McCain's spokesman Brian Rogers concluded, "This is a guy who lived in one house for five and a half years -- in prison."

Take that, liberals! McCain doesn't need to remember how many homes he owns, because he was a prisoner of war!

Ouch, my face!

Did I Mention That He Doesn't Like To Talk About It?

Here's McCain's response to Biden's kitchen table crack:

"I am grateful for the fact that I have a wonderful life," McCain said. "I spent some years without a kitchen table, without a chair, and I know what it's like to be blessed by the opportunities of this great nation..."

Take that, Joe Biden!

Jesus Christ On A Crutch

Last weekend, John McCain and Barack Obama took part in a "faith forum" at Rick Warren's Saddleback Church in California. At the beginning of the event, Warren informed the audience that he would be asking both candidates the same questions, and since Obama was going first, McCain had been placed in a "cone of silence." Just one problem:

Senator John McCain was not in a "cone of silence" on Saturday night while his rival, Senator Barack Obama, was being interviewed at the Saddleback Church in California.

Members of the McCain campaign staff, who flew here Sunday from California, said Mr. McCain was in his motorcade on the way to the church as Mr. Obama was being interviewed by the Rev. Rick Warren, the author of the best-selling book "The Purpose Driven Life."

The matter is of interest because Mr. McCain, who followed Mr. Obama's hourlong appearance in the forum, was asked virtually the same questions as Mr. Obama. Mr. McCain's performance was well received, raising speculation among some viewers, especially supporters of Mr. Obama, that he was not as isolated during the Obama interview as Mr. Warren implied.

Ah, speculation. But enough of that: perhaps more relevant to the presidential campaign is the fact that during the event McCain proudly informed viewers that, despite rumors to the contrary, he is indeed is a pro-life zealot who will appoint radical right-wing judges to overturn Roe vs. Wade and criminalize abortion.

WARREN: Let's deal with abortion. I, as a pastor, have to deal with this all the time, every different angle, every different pain, all of the decisions and all of that. Forty million abortions since Roe v. Wade. Some people, people who believe that life begins at conception, believe that's a holocaust for many people. What point is a baby entitled to human rights?

MCCAIN: At the moment of conception. I have a 25-year pro-life record in the Congress, in the Senate. And as president of the United States, I will be a pro-life president. And this presidency will have pro-life policies. That's my commitment. That's my commitment to you.

Now, I understand that this may be confusing to some people, because eight years ago McCain was asked what he would do if his then 15-year-old daughter Meghan became pregnant, and he responded, "I would discuss this issue with Cindy and Meghan, and this would be a private decision that we would share within our family and not with anyone else."

So I'm glad this has been cleared up. Thanks to the faith forum we can now be certain of Sen. McCain's determination to ensure that every woman who has a miscarriage should have her uterus treated as a potential crime scene.

Unless it's his daughter's uterus.

A Cross To Share

Back at the faith forum, McCain was trying ever so hard to avoid talking about his experience as a prisoner of war.

WARREN: First, you've made no doubt about the fact that you are a Christian. You publicly say you're a follower of Christ. What does that mean to you and how does faith work out in your life on a daily basis? What does it mean to you?

MCCAIN: It means I'm saved and forgiven. We're talking about the world. Our faith encompasses not just the United States of America but the world. Can I tell you another story real quick?

WARREN: Sure.

(LAUGHTER)

MCCAIN: The Vietnamese kept us in prison in conditions of solitary confinement, or two or three to a cell...

Take that, Rick Warren!

MCCAIN: ...They did that because they knew they could break down our resistance. One of the techniques that they used to get information was to take ropes and tie them around your biceps, loop the rope around your head and pull it down beneath your knees and leave you in that position. You can imagine it's very uncomfortable.

One night, I was being punished in that fashion. All of sudden the door of the cell opened and the guard came in. The guy who was just -- what we call the gun guard -- just walked around the camp with the gun on his shoulder. He went like this and loosened the ropes. He came back about four hours later and tightened them up again and left.

The following Christmas, because it was Christmas day, we were allowed to stand outside of our cell for a few minutes. In those days we were not allowed to see or communicate with each other, althousgh we certainly did. And I was standing outside, for my few minutes outside at my cell. He came walking up. He stood there for a minute, and with his sandal on the dirt in the courtyard, he drew a cross and he stood there. And a minute later, he rubbed it out, and walked away.

For a minute there, there was just two Christians worshipping together. I'll never forget that moment.

Wow! That is quite a story, and McCain has told it a few times in recent years - although, oddly enough, not before 1999. Even more oddly, the story is almost identical to this one published by Alexander Solzhenitsyn in 1973:

Leaving his shovel on the ground, he slowly walked to a crude bench and sat down. He knew that at any moment a guard would order him to stand up, and when he failed to respond, the guard would beat him to death, probably with his own shovel. He had seen it happen to other prisoners.

As he waited, head down, he felt a presence. Slowly he looked up and saw a skinny old prisoner squat down beside him. The man said nothing. Instead, he used a stick to trace in the dirt the sign of the Cross. The man then got back up and returned to his work.

As Solzhenitsyn stared at the Cross drawn in the dirt his entire perspective changed.

Would you be surprised to learn that Sen. McCain is a big fan of Solzhenitsyn's work?

Of course, it would be outrageous to suggest that McCain plagiarized this story in order to appeal to Christian audiences. Absolutely outrageous. There is no evidence to suggest that McCain would ever invent, embellish, or exaggerate anything about his experience in Vietnam for political gain. No evidence whatsoever.

Yesterday in Pittsburgh, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., professed his love for the Steelers to KDKA-TV.

Asked what first comes to his mind when he thinks of Pittsburgh, McCain chuckled, "the Steelers. I was a mediocre high school athlete but I loved and adored the sports but the Steelers really made a huge impression on me particularly in my early years."

And then McCain told a rather moving story about his time as a P.O.W. "When I was first interrogated and really had to give some information because of the pressures, physical pressures on me, I named the starting lineup, defensive line of the Pittsburgh Steelers as my squadron mates."

"Did you really?" asked the reporter.

"Yes," McCain said.

"In your POW camp?" asked the reporter.

"Yes," McCain said.

"Could you do it today?" asked the reporter.

"No, unfortunately," McCain said.

Here's one reason he likely couldn't do it today -- the Steelers aren't the team whose defensive line McCain named for his Vietnamese tormentors. The Green Bay Packers are. At least according to every previous time McCain has told this story.

Not much evidence anyway.

By the way, a big hat tip to Free Republic for scooping the cross story all the way back in 2005. Congrats guys!

The End Times

Some final notes from the faith forum:

First, when asked by Warren to name the "'three wisest people' he would 'rely heavily on' if elected president," McCain namechecked civil rights icon and Democratic congressman John Lewis. Turns out the feeling isn't mutual. According to Mother Jones:

But even though McCain has now repeatedly cited Lewis as a role model and potential adviser, McCain has not established a relationship with the Georgia Democrat in the 22 years they have served in Congress together. At the time of McCain's Selma speech, a Lewis associate told my colleague David Corn that McCain has never been close to Lewis. Lewis was not told about McCain's speech in Selma in advance, nor was he invited to attend.

In response to McCain's latest invocation of his name, Rep. Lewis said in a statement requested by Mother Jones, "I cannot stop one human being, even a presidential candidate, from admiring the courage and sacrifice of peaceful protesters on the Edmund Pettus Bridge or making comments about it." But, he added, "Sen. McCain and I are colleagues in the US Congress, not confidantes. He does not consult me. And I do not consult him."

Next, it was revealed that John McCain might not be the best person to lecture Christians about being "saved and forgiven" since he has apparently not been baptized. Which is pretty impressive, for a Baptist. (Or is he an Episcopalian? It's so easy to lose track...)

According to Bloomberg News:

John McCain's pastor ends his sermons with an altar call, beckoning any stirred souls to the front of his 3,500-seat "worship center" to publicly dedicate their lives to Jesus Christ. In McCain's 15 years of attending Dan Yeary's North Phoenix Baptist Church, the pastor says, the Arizona senator has never made that walk.

(snip)

While McCain, 71, describes Yeary as his family pastor, Yeary said the senator -- who was christened an Episcopalian -- isn't a full member of his church because he has never undergone the adult baptism that membership requires.

Finally, shocking news: http://campaign.blog.bobbarr2008.com/2008/08/20/and-so-it-begins">According to the Bob Barr campaign, McCain and Obama conspired to keep Barr out of the faith forum. For shame!

You can tell we are gaining momentum when the Democrats and Republicans work so hard to keep Bob Barr out of the media and off the ballot. Over the weekend, the Saddleback Church kept Bob out of their forum in California - in what is a clear violation of McCain/Feingold campaign finance laws.

But it gets worse. Much worse.

Now, a Pennsylvania Republican Party official working on behalf of John McCain has filed a lawsuit to knock Bob Barr off the ballot in the Keystone state. This action is deplorable and we need to make sure every American knows what is going on, as this is probably just the tip of the iceberg of what is to come next.

This action is especially ironic.

Who said:

"We all know that the Berlin wall is down ... People should be able to get on the ballot in states ... Everybody knows that I am a legitimate candidate. I should be on the ballot."

That would be Senator John McCain who was the victim of similar shenanigans in 2000 when he was trying to get on the New York Republican Primary ballot.

So if you have anything left after donating to Barack Obama, send some love over to https://www.bobbarr2008.com/donate/">Bob Barr. I'm sure that all of us - especially John McCain, given his feelings in 2000 - would like to see him on the ballot in Pennsylvania! Hey, did you know that Bob Barr led the Clinton impeachment? I hear he's a real conservative!

Why The Media Still Sucks

They may have temporarily turned their sights on McCain, but don't imagine that the media's utter suckitude will ever really improve.

Exhibit A:

The top executives of America's biggest companies are more willing to open their wallets for John McCain than his Democratic rival, donating 10 times as much to the Arizona senator's campaign as to Barack Obama's.

(snip)

The presumptive GOP nominee has received $208,200 from the chief executive officers of the 100 biggest Fortune 500 corporations, according to a review of campaign finance reports. Obama has taken in $20,400 from the same group of people.

Exhibit B:

According to an analysis of campaign contributions by the nonpartisan Center for Responsive Politics, Democrat Barack Obama has received nearly six times as much money from troops deployed overseas at the time of their contributions than has Republican John McCain, and the fiercely anti-war Ron Paul, though he suspended his campaign for the Republican nomination months ago, has received more than four times McCain's haul.

Despite McCain's status as a decorated veteran and a historically Republican bent among the military, members of the armed services overall -- whether stationed overseas or at home -- are also favoring Obama with their campaign contributions in 2008, by a $55,000 margin. Although 59 percent of federal contributions by military personnel has gone to Republicans this cycle, of money from the military to the presumed presidential nominees, 57 percent has gone to Obama.

Phew! It's a good job we still have all three cable networks to explain to us why this means that John McCain is a salt-of-the-earth maverick, beloved by the troops.

Living In The 80s

Just in case there were any lingering doubts that the McCain campaign is not hip and with it, here's spokesman Michael Goldfarb tapping into the zeitgeist:

"It may be typical of the pro-Obama Dungeons & Dragons crowd to disparage a fellow countryman's memory of war from the comfort of mom's basement," said McCain aide Michael Goldfarb, in a posting to the campaign website. "But most Americans have the humility and gratitude to respect and learn from the memories of men who suffered on behalf of others."

He added, "You damn kids with your Walkmans and your breakdancing, put down your Chia Pets, pull up your parachute pants, and show the Senator some respect."

Oh, and I almost forgot...

Only The Lonely

Did you know that Cindy McCain is an only child? Neither did her half-sister...

Cindy McCain, the wife of the Republican presidential candidate John McCain, describes herself as an only child. "I grew up with my dad, I'm an only child. My father was a cowboy, and he really loved me very much, but I think he wanted a son occasionally," she told a TV interviewer.

Now a half-sister has emerged from the shadows to challenge that family history, claiming she and her offspring have been carefully airbrushed out of the would-be First Lady's family picture. "I'm upset," Kathleen Hensley Portalski said. "I'm angry. It makes me feel like a non-person."

Better get used to it Kathleen - if McCain becomes president, Cindy will probably have you in Gitmo before you can say "family values."

Score Another One For The Intertubes

According to a Talking Points Memo report last week, "John McCain is ratcheting up his attacks on Obama over Iraq in a speech this morning, declaring flatly that Obama wants the U.S. to fail in Iraq because of 'ambition.'"

Good work, Senator! There's nothing that says "respectful campaign" like accusing your opponent of treason. I just hope there aren't any examples floating around out there of you saying that you wanted to be president out of pure ambition...

Within months of delivering that commencement address, McCain was running for president for the first time, and violating his own credo. After losing the 2000 Republican presidential nomination , McCain and Salter wrote "Worth the Fighting For" (the title is taken from a line of Robert Jordan's in the Hemingway novel ), which gave McCain an opportunity to confess his shortcomings:

"I didn't decide to run for president to start a national crusade for the political reforms I believed in or to run a campaign as if it were some grand act of patriotism. In truth, I wanted to be president because it had become my ambition to be president. ... In truth, I'd had the ambition for a long time."

Just think, McCain would probably be getting away with this stuff if it weren't for all those pesky Dungeons & Dragons players.

Are We Nearly There Yet?

Let's face it, this column could go on for days. So let's wrap up with just a few more stories from McCain country. First:

In an interview yesterday with the Pueblo Chieftan, McCain committed what could amount political suicide in the state by saying that the 1922 water compact negotiated between seven western states should be renegotiated to give Arizona, Nevada, and California (the Lower Basin states) more water. That's unlikely to make Wyoming, Utah, and New Mexico (the Upper Basin states) any happier than it's made Colorado.

The Denver Post said of McCain's comments, "Forget about winning our nine electoral votes next November. We don't vote for water rustlers in this state; we tar and feather them!"

I'm not kidding.

Second:

In an inexplicable move, even by Republican standards, McCain has decided to cozy up to Ralph Reed, the disgraced right-wing activist and Abramoff business partner.

(snip)

I know it's been a couple of years - and McCain can be a little forgetful - but the Abramoff scandal left Reed a humiliated disgrace. It wasn't just some embarrassing misunderstanding; the scandal ruined him. Permanently.

Third:

Who is Randy Scheunemann?

He is the principal foreign policy adviser to John McCain and potential successor to Henry Kissinger and Zbigniew Brzezinski as national security adviser to the president of the United States.

But Randy Scheunemann has another identity, another role.

He is a dual loyalist, a foreign agent whose assignment is to get America committed to spilling the blood of her sons for client regimes who have made this moral mercenary a rich man.

From January 2007 to March 2008, the McCain campaign paid Scheunemann $70,000 -- pocket change compared to the $290,000 his Orion Strategies banked in those same 15 months from the Georgian regime of Mikheil Saakashvili.

What were Mikheil's marching orders to Tbilisi's man in Washington? Get Georgia a NATO war guarantee. Get America committed to fight Russia, if necessary, on behalf of Georgia.

Scheunemann came close to succeeding.

Et tu, Pat Buchanan?

The Best Of The Rest

And finally, last week...

Sean Hannity said Barack Obama supports infanticide; meanwhile Rush Limbaugh preferred to call Obama a "little black man-child."

George W. Bush revealed that high gas prices are - ta da! - the Democrats' fault. So much for "jawboning OPEC".

Defender of marriage David Vitter was told that he can't use campaign funds to pay $200,000 in legal fees related to the DC Madam scandal. Bummer.

Gen. David Hot Pants Petraeus said that the Spiritual Handbook for Military Personnel should be in "every rucksack for those times when soldiers need spiritual energy." Aren't there rules about religious proselytizing in the U.S. military? Well... yes.

Breaking news! AP Washington bureau chief Ron Fournier has had his nose surgically grafted to John McCain's butt crack.

Rep. Tom Davis (R-Obviously) said that the economy is doing great. His evidence? Fairfax County, VA - the wealthiest county in America.

Guess who's back on board the Straight Talk Express? That's right - it's Phil "Nation Of Whiners" Gramm!

Mitt Romney said that Russia should lose the 2014 Winter Olympics because they have "shown their willingness to act militarily against a sovereign nation." Hypocrisy? Don't be silly - according to Dick Morris, "We went into Iraq at the invitation of the government, not as an invasion."

Okay, that's it - see you next week, and don't forget to check out our special Convention coverage, direct from Denver!

-- EarlG