The Adventures of T. Boone Pickens, Episode 15

[TygrBright]

The Adventures of T. Boone Pickens

Episode 15

by ThShifties

Another early-morning campaign strategy meeting at McCain headquarters. The Senator is in another room watching the Olympics.

Steve Schmidt: I still can’t believe the Israelis were so attached to Middle Eastern dirt.

Aide: The Holy Land thing.

Schmidt: Yeah, a real deal-breaker. Lissen up. It’s Veep time.

This is greeted with loud groans.

Schmidt: What?

Second aide: Means we have to listen to the Senator again. Mimes gagging.

Schmidt: He’s not that bad.

Third aide: Yes he is. Those flyboy stories.

First aide: I bet he says “plans disappear when the enemy appears” at least three times in the first half hour of every meeting.

Second aide: I bet he stops the meeting to call up some colonel in Anbar Province.

Third aide: Colonel, my ass. He’ll phone the whole First Cavalry.

Schmidt: I guess I could confiscate his cell again. All right, back to task. Veeps.

First aide: What’s to discuss? Everybody knows it’ll be Tom Ridge.

Schmidt: That’s a long way from unanimous.

Second aide: You taking suggestions?

Schmidt: Ready, fire, aim.

Second aide: Okay. Everybody expects us to go young, right? So we cross’em up. We go old-old.

Third aide: Why?

Second aide: First, because we lock up another twenty percent of the old folks vote. We let’em know Social Security is safe, so is Medicare. The kids can go fuck themselves for another four years.

First aide: And?

Second aide: We pick an old guy with glitz to the plutocrats. Need I remind you that before this is over we’ll need beaucoup cash?

Schmidt: I certainly haven’t forgotten. Who’d ya have in mind?

Second aide: Boone Pickens.

First aide: The legendary oil billionaire?

Second aide: He’s a wind guy now. Look, business will love him; he’s a big-time corporate shithead. Plus he’s got three billion in his bank account. We could go mucho puerco on the TV spots.

Schmidt: He’s what, a thousand years old? What does that say about the prospects for the future?

Second aide: What future?

Schmidt: Good point.

Second aide: Voters will figure he’ll die in office, so you don’t have to worry about his finger on the Big Trigger anyway. But gentlemen, this dude is plain smart. Do you realize he’s got a proposition on the California ballot for November? If it passes, they sell five billion in bonds for energy rebates and incentives. And you know who benefits?

Third aide: Pickens?

Second aide: Almost exclusively.

Schmidt: That is out of the box. Lemme cogitate on it.

Senator McCain enters. He approaches Schmidt, admires his bald pate.

McCain: Mmmmm. Refreshing. Lemon Pledge?

Schmidt: You found me out, Senator.


More Episodes:

Episode 1: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=370148&mesg_id=370148

Episode 2: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=372406&mesg_id=372406

Episode 3: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=372824&mesg_id=372824

Episode 4: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=373182&mesg_id=373182

Episode 5: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=373183&mesg_id=373183

Episode 6: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=373339&mesg_id=373339

Episode 7: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=374156&mesg_id=374156

Episode 8: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=374157&mesg_id=374157

Episode 9: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=374158&mesg_id=374158

Episode 10: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=374981&mesg_id=374981

Episode 11: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=374989&mesg_id=374989

Episode 12: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=375331&mesg_id=375331

Episode 13: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=375513&mesg_id=375513

Episode 14: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=103&topic_id=375902&mesg_id=375902