What Are Bisexuals? Chopped Liver?

[marmar]

via AlterNet:



What Are Bisexuals? Chopped Liver?

By Greta Christina, The Blowfish Blog. Posted May 2, 2008.

Our culture still ignores the full spectrum of sexual orientation -- and the shifts that many of us make over that spectrum throughout our lives.



So there's this trope I sometimes see in monogamous relationships. (In particular, I see it in advice columns: it came up in a recent Savage Love column, and I've seen it more than once in the Dear Abby/ Ann Landers ouvre.)

It goes like this: "My partner has a friend. The friend's sexual orientation is towards the gender that my partner happens to be. Is it reasonable for me to be jealous? Should I permit this friendship to continue?"

(Or the reverse: "I have a friend. The friend's sexual orientation is towards my gender. Is it reasonable for my partner to be jealous, and to want the friendship to end?")

Okay. In trying to make this generic and gender-neutral, I'm being a little obscure. So let's clear it up and make it specific: "My wife has a new friend from work, a straight man she sometimes goes to basketball games with. Should I be jealous?" Or: "I'm a straight woman who's developing a friendship with a lesbian. My husband is jealous. WTF?" (Both real examples from real advice columns, btw. Dear Abby stupidly advised, "By no means should you permit your wife to attend basketball games with another man"; Dan Savage, much more wisely, suggested that the husband of the woman with the lesbian friend should get a first class ticket for the clue train.)

Now, I'm not going to get too deeply into the obvious. I'm not going to get into the craziness of the idea that any and all friendships will eventually turn sexual if the sexual orientations line up right. I'm not going to get into the fucked-upedness of the notion that people should choose their friends entirely on the basis of gender, for the sole purpose of avoiding possible sexual attraction. I'm not going to get into the absurd paranoia that even the slightest hint of sexual attraction in a friendship will eventually overwhelm it with uncontrollable passion. (Hey, for some of us, having a little attraction for a friend makes a friendship more interesting, even when we have no plans whatsoever to act on the attraction, ever.)

And I'm not going to point out that, according to this theory, gay men could never have gay male friends, and lesbians could never be friends with other lesbians. .......(more)

The complete piece is at: http://www.alternet.org/sex/84171/

[comtec]

1. LOL At least chopped liver is reconized as something

Bi-sexuals are seen as weird, mutant thingies that can't possibly exist!
We're just... confused and need to be educated.
The hell of it is that the gay community is at least as bad about it as the straights!
go figure.

I guess the worst of it is the assumption that we're just sexual monsters, jumping anything that moves!
OK, that's kind of true for me ;), but even >I< have standards, and most people don't pass at that!

My wife and I have an agreement, if she has a friend whose interested in her, I get watching rights :) and vice versa.

If your mate as a "friend" get a chair and a camera ;)

Seriously though, who cares? infidelity is infidelity and only applies to the people involved.
If you or your mate want to jump other people there should be mutual consent.

[unpossibles]

2. well said - this is ridiculous

and I do agree that sometimes attractions happen, but so what? Does this also mean that I cannot be friends with my lesbian friends if I find them attractive, even if they are not generally sexually interested in me?

I guess this means that bisexuals can have no friends.

[Ellen Forradalom]

3. A bit of attraction adds flavor to life.

Jeez. Why are we fighting the Taliban if we are going to become them?