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As recently reported in the The New York Times, the Pentagon, with the approval of President Bush, is trying to boost troop morale by deploying lap dancers — known as The Purrfect Angelz – to the front lines in Iraq.
Code-titled “Erogenous Zones in the Green Zone,” the program is proving to be wildly popular with both American and Iraqi troops, despite the fact that the “Double-DD” women have to wear breast plates made of the military’s “Grade A” body armor.
In particular, it is hoped that this program will hasten the exit of U.S. troops in favor of Iraqi units. As Bush explained from his vacation digs in Crawford, “when the dancers sit down in their laps, the Iraqi troops will stand up — or at least part of them will.”
The program has also incentivized Iraqi soldiers to assume leadership positions as high-ranking officers, so that they may be eligible for the VIP Champagne Room.
This change in tactics has also created a reversal of positions in Congress, since the plan has been strongly condemned by Bush’s usual base, conservative Christians, but enthusiastically supported by liberal lion Teddy Kennedy.
In fact, the only right-wing Senator to back Bush on the program is Virginia’s George Allen, who stated a desire to visit the troops, “so a dancer could sit on ‘macaca’.”
Defense Secretary Rumsfeld, under attack of late from all sides, heralded this new stategy, asserting that it vindicated his prediction that “Iraqis will greet us as masturbators.”
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