The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 257

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The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 257

Edited on Mon Aug-28-06 10:02 AM by EarlG

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 257

August 28, 2006
Macaca 2: The Apology Edition

George Allen (1) grabs the top slot again with a fabulous apology to S. R. Sidarth, George W. Bush (2) explains Iraq, and Katherine Harris (3) hits a three-fer to notch up her sixth entry in the last eight weeks. Meanwhile, Joe Lieberman (4) waxes Republican, Conrad Burns (7) drops a bombshell, and Glenn Beck (9) ridicules the blind. Don't forget the key!

George Allen

Last week we brought you the sordid tale of Sen. George Allen and his magical "macaca" moment. This week we proudly present Macaca 2: The Apology.

George Allen made a personal apology to S. R. Sidarth on Wednesday August 23 - which is pretty impressive considering that Allen committed the offense for which he was apologizing a mere 12 days earlier on Friday August 11.

Why did it take him so long? There are two possible reasons: either Allen really is a racist bastard who was forced to make the apology because he realized he was trapped in the middle of a political train wreck and his campaign was going down the tubes, or... well... let's face it, that's pretty much the only reason.

Allen literally phoned in his apology. "He said he realized that I was offended through comments I had made to the media," Sidarth said. "I'm glad he did the right thing and called me and apologized to me. I'm still not sure why it took the senator so long to talk to me. On the whole, he did the right thing." Good job Sen. Allen! You screwed up big time, you apologized, and Sidarth graciously accepted the apology. Now let that be the end of it!

Oh, were it that easy. You see, while Allen was readying his apology, his amusingly-named campaign manager Dick Wadhams was preemptively retracting it. According to Wadhams, the real victim in this whole brouhaha was George Allen.

Here's a breakdown of a memo that Wadhams sent to "GOP leaders" on August 19, courtesy of MyDD.

I think it is obvious that this past week was difficult one for Senator and Mrs. Allen and the campaign. It is very clear that the news media created what they call a "feeding frenzy", with the Washington Post alone doing major stories on the same issue for 5 consecutive days.

Yes, poor Senator and Mrs. Allen. It's enough to make you yearn for the good old days when Senators could just throw racist epithets at whomever they wanted without having the stupid press jumping down their throats.

Literally putting words into Senator Allen's mouth that he did not say (by speculating, defining and attributing meanings and motives that simply are not true), the Webb campaign and the news media seeming worked hand-in-hand to create national news over something that did not warrant coverage in the first place.

Look into my eyes, look deep into my eyes. Senator Allen did not say macaca and has never said macaca. That word was put into his mouth by the Webb campaign. Also, he is not a big fan of the confederate flag. When I snap my fingers you will wake up and you will have no recollection of this conversation. 3, 2, 1, snap.

Even after Senator Allen apologized to the Webb campaign staffer in specific...

...Allen didn't apologized to Sidarth until four days after this memo was written...

...and to anyone who may have been offended in general, the news media continued to print and re-print the same speculations and inaccurate portrayals of Senator Allen's comments.

I guess in Sen. Allen's Virginia, "macaca" is actually a term of endearment.

Never in modern times has a statewide officeholder and candidate been so vilified in a desperate attempt to revive a campaign that was fast-sinking - the Webb campaign.

See? Allen is the victim here. Stop vilifying him.

Senator Allen has said that his comments were a mistake. Who among us has not made mistakes? In fact, how many of us could put in the hours of work, travel, meetings, campaigning, etc. that Senator Allen has over the years and make as few mistakes as he has?

Wait a minute - he did make a mistake? I thought he was being "vilified" for "inaccurate portrayals" which "did not warrant coverage."

Okay, I'm going to skip ahead a bit or we'll sitting here listening to Dick Wad all day.

The reason the Democrats run such negative campaigns and always play the race card, is that they have no positive ideas to run on. That is as true this year as in any other. The fact that they have attempted to make race an issue so early in the campaign is evidence of just how desperate they are.

Because obviously it wasn't Allen who injected race into the campaign by singling out the only non-white attendee at his campaign event, calling him "macaca" and saying "welcome to America."

Anyway as you can see, George Allen made a really, really genuine and heartfelt apology to S. R. Sidarth this week. What a guy.

George W. Bush

Last week our Great Leader gave a Great Big Press Conference to talk about all the Really Super Things going on in the Middle East. When asked how he reconciled his hard talk of the consequences of leaving Iraq with the fact that the consequences wouldn't have existed if we'd never invaded in the first place, he replied:

THE PRESIDENT: You know, I've heard this theory about everything was just fine until we arrived, and kind of "we're going to stir up the hornet's nest" theory. It just doesn't hold water, as far as I'm concerned. The terrorists attacked us and killed 3,000 of our citizens before we started the freedom agenda in the Middle East.

Q What did Iraq have to do with that?

THE PRESIDENT: What did Iraq have to do with what?

Q The attack on the World Trade Center?

THE PRESIDENT: Nothing.

Whoa! Wait a second there. Nothing? Iraq had nothing to do with the attack on the World Trade Center? Then why, in September of 2003, did 69% of people in a Washington Post poll say "they believe it is likely the Iraqi leader was personally involved in the attacks carried out by al-Qaeda," according to USA Today? Where on earth could they have gotten that idea? Please continue, Mr. President.

Nothing, except for it's part of - and nobody has ever suggested in this administration that Saddam Hussein ordered the attack. Iraq was a - the lesson of September the 11th is, take threats before they fully materialize, Ken. Nobody has ever suggested that the attacks of September the 11th were ordered by Iraq.

Ah, I see - "ordered" is the operative word here. Because it would be pretty darn difficult to claim that the Bush administration has never linked the two. See this thread in our Research Forum, for example.

So what else did George have to say about the situation in Iraq?

I have suggested, however, that resentment and the lack of hope create the breeding grounds for terrorists who are willing to use suiciders to kill to achieve an objective. I have made that case.

I see. The future of Iraq rests on us getting rid of the "resentment and the lack of hope" that creates "the breeding grounds for terrorists." So how's that working out?

It is three years after the war and the situation in Iraq has visibly deteriorated. Immediately after the war, cities like Baghdad were burned and looted and under occupation, but there was still a hope that buildings could be rebuilt and Iraq could be put back together. I think as the months go by with no visible progress, especially in the areas of security and infrastructure, Iraqis feel less and less hopeful. -- Iraqi blogger "Riverbend"

Nice work, George.

It's okay though, Our Great Leader has One Last Great Plan left for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan - he's simply going to pretend they don't exist. From Salon:

On his way to vacation at his parents' compound in Kennebunkport, George W. Bush stopped at a local elementary school Thursday to meet with family members of U.S. troops who have lost their lives in Iraq and Afghanistan. After the meetings ended, Hildi Halley, whose husband died in Afghanistan in June, said she told the president that it's "time to stop the bleeding" and "swallow our pride and find a solution."

Bush's response? Halley said the president told her that "there was no point in us having a philosophical discussion about the pros and cons of the war."

Katherine Harris

So what's new in the insane asylum formerly known as Katherine Harris Campaign Headquarters? Let's find out! Last week Harris lost yet another top staffer, political director Rhyan Metzler, after she blamed him for the bizarre "tree falling on airplane hangar" incident which she claimed ruined a recent campaign event. According to the Orlando Sentinel:

Only 40 people showed up for the event, and Harris blamed the paltry turnout in part on a last-minute location change. She said a tree fell on the hangar that the rally was scheduled to be in, forcing her campaign to switch to another hangar.

Airport officials, however, said no trees had fallen and that Harris was in the hangar her campaign had originally booked.

See Idiots 246 for a full accounting of the fabulous hangar photo-op (with balloon drop).

Meanwhile, the St. Petersburg Times reports:

After months of hearing members of even her own party second-guess her run for the U.S. Senate, Katherine Harris said she would pump $10-million of her own money into her financially strapped campaign.

In an emotional announcement on national TV in March, Harris said she would use every penny her late father had left her.

Minutes later, while still in the New York studio where she made the announcement, Harris received a call from her sister. She and their brother were furious that she had not told them she was going to spend family money on her campaign, according to her former senior consultant Ed Rollins, who was with her that night.

Er, what a blunder. As noted in Idiots 237, Harris breathlessly told Sean Hannity on Fox News that "I'm going to commit my legacy from my father, ten million dollars ... this is everything I have, and this levels, temporarily, the playing field." The Times continues...

In the days that followed, several former staffers, including Rollins, said Harris learned she would not directly receive any inheritance from her father. Instead, his assets, reported to be as much as $100-million, were left to her mother, Harriet.

Oh well. According to the Times, Harris has put $3.25 million into her campaign so far - although she took $100,000 back to renovate her home theater. Seriously.

And last but not least, the Washington Post reported last week that:

U.S. Rep. Katherine Harris told a religious journal that separation of church and state is "a lie" and God and the nation's founding fathers did not intend the country be "a nation of secular laws." The Republican candidate for U.S. Senate also said that if Christians are not elected, politicians will "legislate sin," including abortion and gay marriage.

(snip)

Separation of church and state is "a lie we have been told," Harris said in the interview, published Thursday, saying separating religion and politics is "wrong because God is the one who chooses our rulers."

"If you're not electing Christians, then in essence you are going to legislate sin," Harris said.

Harris later "clarified" her remarks, telling reporters that "My comments were specifically directed toward a Christian group." Which is a reasonable explanation I suppose. What she's saying is that when she makes offensive remarks in front of a particular group of supporters, the remarks shouldn't actually be taken seriously by anybody other than the people to whom she was speaking at the time. I believe that's what they call "political pandering."

Harris clarified her clarification by saying that "My rallying cry has always been people of all faiths should be involved." See? Pay no attention to that "legislate sin" stuff.

Joe Lieberman

Apparently Joe Lieberman thinks his campaign needs "retooling," although I find it a little hard to believe that he's not enough of a tool already. But apparently a retooling it is, and so last week Joe hired "a nationally known pollster and media consultant to assist in his independent re-election bid."

According to the Associated Press, Lieberman's new pollster is Republican Neil Newhouse, "who lists two key Connecticut Republicans, Gov. M. Jodi Rell and U.S. Rep. Rob Simmons, among his clients." Hmm. I'm assuming this is pure coincidence, but according to the Hartford Courant last week, Joe Lieberman appeared with "two prominent Republicans, Gov. M. Jodi Rell and U.S. Rep. Rob Simmons, R-2nd, to celebrate last year's reversal of a Pentagon decision to close the Groton submarine base."

Now, for those of you who think that Joe swanning around with "prominent Republicans" might hurt Connecticut Democrats' chances of picking up House seats in November, you might be right. But it's okay, because as a staunch "independent Democrat" Joe is doing everything he can to make sure Democrats win in the fall. According to the New Haven Independent:

Lieberman - who after losing an Aug. 8 Democratic primary to Ned Lamont has launched a third-party bid to hold onto his seat in the Nov. 7 general election - was asked whether he still endorses Diane Farrell, Joe Courtney and Chris Murphy, three Democrats looking to unseat endangered Republican incumbents Chris Shays, Rob Simmons and Nancy Johnson.

"I'm a non-combatant," Lieberman declared. "I am not going to be involved in other campaigns. I think it's better if I just focus on my own race."

That's the spirit, Joe. Don't want to hurt your new buddy Rob Simmons' feelings now, do we?

The Arizona Republican Party

Daniel Coleman has an uphill battle in his race for a House seat in Arizona District 16. Not only was he convicted of DUI in 1997, a recent Arizona Republic article on his candidacy was headlined, "GOP hopeful trying to put killing behind him."

According to the Republic, Coleman "was indicted by a grand jury on one count of first-degree murder after he shot 35-year-old Annette Chalker in the face in 2003." The case never went to trial due to lack of evidence, but apparently "circumstances surrounding the death of Chalker continue to haunt her family. Her parents are pushing for further investigation and pledging to make known to voters Coleman's involvement in their daughter's death."

When asked about Coleman, Arizona Republican Party chief Matt Salmon seemed a little confused.

Salmon said he has been focused on winning swing seats, which District 16 - "solidly Democrat," in his words - is not. Nonetheless, Salmon called Coleman's DUI "unsettling."

"The Republican Party did not recruit him to run," Salmon said. "I'm very discouraged about anybody who has a DUI in their background."

Worried about the DUI? Apparently. Worried about the alleged shooting of someone in the face? Not so much.

To be honest you'd think the Arizona Republican Party would welcome Daniel Coleman. After all, Dick Cheney shot someone in the face and was arrested for drunk driving twice. And he's the vice president.

The First Baptist Church of Watertown, NY

Last week it was reported that the First Baptist Church of Watertown, NY, recently fired their 81-year-old Sunday school teacher Mary Lambert. Was she embezzling funds? Blackmailing parents? Abusing kids?

Not likely! No, there was a much bigger problem with Ms. Lambert - she's a woman.

According to the Associated Press:

The minister of a church that dismissed a female Sunday school teacher after adopting what it called a literal interpretation of the Bible says a woman can perform any job - outside of the church.

The First Baptist Church dismissed Mary Lambert on Aug. 9 with a letter explaining that the church had adopted an interpretation that prohibits women from teaching men. She had taught there for 54 years.

The letter quoted the first epistle to Timothy: "I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent."

Ah, you just can't beat those "traditional values."

Funny thing though - that bit about not permitting a woman to have authority over a man comes from Paul's letter to Timothy. But here's what Paul wrote to the Galatians:

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:28)

Confusing, isn't it? I mean, in some places the Bible says that women should be seen and not heard, and in other places it says that men and women are equals who are "all one" in Jesus. Why, you could pick and choose passages to support pretty much any position you want!

Therefore I'd suggest that the only sensible conclusion we can draw from all this is that the First Baptist Church of Watertown are bunch of sexist bastards.

Conrad Burns

Sen. Conrad Burns (R-MT) appeared in Idiots 254 after he insulted a group of firefighters at Billings airport, and last week the gaffemeister was at it again. The Associated Press reported that Burns, who is a staunch proponent of strict penalties for illegal immigrants and those who employ them, may actually be employing illegal immigrants himself.

At a meeting in June, Burns apparently told an anecdote which went like this:

The other day, the little fella who does our maintenance work around the house, he's from Guatemala, and I said, "Could I see your green card?" And Hugo says, "No." I said, "Oh gosh."

Fast forward to August 15, when Burns was interrupted by a cell phone call during his stump speech at a campaign event. On the other end of the phone? None other than the man himself, Hugo Reyes!

According to the Associated Press:

"Hugo is a nice little Guatemalan man who is doing some painting for me ... in Virginia," Burns told the audience, to laughter, after hanging up on the call. "No, he's terrific, love him."

This obviously didn't go down too well with Burns' conservative base.

"A U.S. senator hiring illegal immigrants is not a joke," said Michael Dougherty of The American Cause, a conservative group founded by Pat Buchanan that supports strict immigration controls. "He could easily dispirit his voting base."

"If you have the very people who are responsible for making the laws mocking them, it's a pretty good indication of why we have 12 million people breaking the law," said Ira Mehlman, a spokesman for Federation for American Immigration Reform.

So is Hugo an illegal immigrant? The AP reported that "efforts to reach Reyes were unsuccessful," so I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Meanwhile, Burns is continuing his hard work for the people of Montana, as you can see from this video.

CNN

Last week on CNN, Wolf Blitzer broke some exciting news: he'd nabbed an exclusive interview with an acquaintance of John Mark Karr, JonBenet Ramsey's alleged killer. Here's Wolf cranking it up to fever-pitch:

A woman who says Karr discussed the Ramsey case with her back in 2001 is speaking out today, and as we reported yesterday Wendy Hutchens says she recorded phone calls, kept emails from Karr detailing his alleged connections to the Ramsey family.

Wow! You could almost hear Wolf's little beard tingling with excitement. But there was one tiny snag: "Wendy Hutchens" turned out to be a prank caller by the name of Thomas Cipriano. Of course, Wolf didn't find this out until Cipriano told him during the on-air interview that Karr said "he was instructed to kill JonBenet by Howard Stern."

Ha ha, Wolf looked like a fool, very funny and all that. But this story really bothers me. Blitzer giddily interviewed someone on live television, in the middle of a supposedly serious news show, and apparently nobody at CNN had bothered to check out the story. What if Cipriano hadn't pulled out the Howard Stern line? The viewing public could have been fed a line of BS by a prankster, which was subsequently legitimized by a breathless Wolf Blitzer, and would have had no idea the whole story was bunk.

I guess my question is: how often does this happen at CNN? Weekly? Daily? Do they check out any of the people they interview? Or can you simply call CNN, tell them that you have the inside line on a big story, and end up having a nice cozy chat with Wolf Blitzer? Because it's all very well to have a chuckle at Wolf when he gets caught out doing a story on JonBenet Ramsey, but how many times has this happened when he's interviewing "experts" on things that really matter, like Iraq, or terrorism, or the economy?

So much for "the most trusted name in news."

Glenn Beck

The Wendy Hutchens debacle was by no means the only piece of crap on CNN last week. On Headline News, conservative nutjob Glenn Beck interviewed Phillip Milano, author of a new book called Dare to Ask which tackles "taboo cultural questions." Here's what Beck had to say:

I'm going to get to some of the questions that have already been asked, but I've got one that drives me out of my mind. I work at Radio City in midtown Manhattan, and up by the doors, you know, like where the - you know - the office kitchen is, in Braille, on the wall, it says "kitchen." You'd have to - a blind person would have to be feeling all of the walls to find "kitchen." Just to piss them off, I'm going to put in Braille on the coffee pot - I'm going to put, "Pot is hot." Ow!

Yeah, damn those stupid blind people oppressing us with their stupid braille all over the place. Just to piss them off, we should trick them into burning themselves. Take that, blind people! You asked for it!

Honestly, this has got to be a new low. Picking on the blind? I expect Beck can't stand wheelchair ramps either.

"I'm going to get to some of the questions that have already been asked, but I've got one that drives me out of my mind. I work at Radio City in midtown Manhattan, and up by the doors, you know, like where the - you know - the front doors are, there's a wheelchair ramp. You'd have to - a person in a wheelchair would have to wheel themselves up that ramp to get into the building. Just to piss them off, I'm going to push them out of their wheelchairs and make them crawl up the steps. Ow!"

So, CNN, any chance of firing this asshole yet? No?

Michael Conrad Forrester

And finally, we all know that Bill O'Reilly is a self-proclaimed fan of personal responsibility - but for some reason it doesn't seem to rub off on his fans. For your amusement, enjoy this video of Michael Conrad Forrester, pulled over for speeding and listening to the Falafel Master at high volume.

The transcript is here. I wonder if "You're a donut eater and you should rot in hell for lying" is a new code conservatives use to show their strong respect for the laws of the land and the officers who carry them out?

See you next week!

-- EarlG