JET BLUE GOES ‘BLUE’: TERRORISM SPURS CREATION OF ALL-NUDE AIRLINE

[Don Davis]

In the biggest change in commercial aviation since the invention of the jet engine, Jet Blue announced today that it was going “All Nude,” in order to minimize both terrorist threats, and the long delays caused by high-security check-ins.

Borrowing the famous Cunard Cruise Ship slogan of a bygone era — “Getting There is Half The Fun” — Jet Blue has substantially reduced the long check-in lines on its flights. As one of its spokesmen explained, “we no longer have to worry about shoes, or tryin’ to solve mysteries without any clues.”

In addition, the banning of all liquids has also expedited the boarding process, although security personnel still have to employ state-of-the-art scanners to ensure that all passengers are boarding with empty bladders.

Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff lauded this policy as “sheer genius,” claiming that the mere presence of naked bodies alone is a major deterrent to Islamic terrorists getting on a plane. In fact, as a further preventive measure, Jet Blue has adopted a policy of sitting all “Arab-looking” individuals in “Menstruation Class.”

Jet Blue has also revolutionized the screening process by ditching the useless question, “Have you packed your own bags?,” in favor of: “Do you believe in death to the twin satans Israel and America?”

Initial reaction from air travelers was decidedly mixed. One female passenger said she appreciated the shorter check-ins, “but the least they could do is provide us with in-flight blankets; it gets cold as a bitch up there at 30,000 feet.”

And a fifty-something male said he had no problem with the nudity, but expressed regret that this wasn’t done 25 years ago, “before all the flight attendants were either gay or post-menopausal women.”

[savemefromdumbya]

1. I guess if Amtrak adopted nude trains

they would have to have blinds down all the way?

[katinmn]

2. Bwaa! We were just talking about this last night.

:rofl:

[havocmom]

7. I was promoting concept of Fly Nekkid Airlines back in winter of 01

;)

[tocqueville]

3. but no breast implants allowed

maybe "no-boobs" signs will show up at airports

[texastoast]

4. Oh, that's right--they are liquid

I guess it's back to the old foam padded bra days, hmm?

:shrug:

[tocqueville]

5. TERRORIST BRAS ? ARE YOU CRAZY ?

brace for extended breast and cavity searches....

[Hoosier Dem]

6. If we had a "No Boobs" policy...

How would Lieberman be able to fly anywhere. Isn't he the biggest boob in America right now????


Whoops, forgot about Katherine Harris. (_)(_)

[texastoast]

9. He's right up there in boobville, for sure

And welcome to DU!

:toast:

[katty]

8. Jet Nude, Flying au nat-ur-al