RALPH NADER TO JUMP INTO CONNECTICUT SENATE RACE

[Don Davis]

In the wake of Ned Lamont’s stunning Democratic Primary victory over Joe Lieberman, consumer advocate Ralph Nader has decided to jump back into the political fray, by entering the race for Connecticut Senator.

After running for President more times than Harold Stassen, Nader stated that he misses the warm fuzzy feeling he gets from sabotaging the elections of Democrats to high office. In light of Lieberman’s announced intention to run as an Independent, Nader now has the unique opportunity of killing off two Democrats with one stone.

Nader viciously attacked both candidates, stating that “Lamont is too rich, and Lieberman is Bush’s bitch.” In addition, Nader asserted that he couldn’t see any meaningful difference between the two candidates on the Iraq War, “since corporate kleptocracy is undermining the meritocracy.”

As for Lieberman, he brashly asserted that the game was not over, but only at half-time, ignoring the fact that half-time adjustments rarely work unless there is a change in quarterbacks.

Curiously, Lieberman, perhaps for his own strategic reasons, did not oppose Nader’s entry into the race: “It is time for liberals who distrust Ralph to acknowledge that he will be f**king up the Democrats for at least three more election cycles, so that in matters of utopian fantasy, we undermine the Holy One at our peril.”

Lamont, in contrast, pointed out that Nader’s fateful 2000 run, which cost Al Gore the Presidency, has resulted in world chaos, a clash of civilizations, an acceleration in global warming, and windfall profits to Hooked-on-Phonics, whose sales have skyrocketed every time Bush addresses the nation.

Meanwhile, the Democratic National Committee, in a spirit of bi-partisanship, has asked President Bush to appoint Ralph Nader, who is of Lebanese extraction, as special envoy to Hezbollah, where it is expected that Nader will eventually mount a Primary challenge to Sheikh Hassan Nasrallah.

[goclark]

1. link?

[katinmn]

3. I believe it's satire.

[Atman]

2. Great bit. Do you write for The Onion?

:rofl:

[Don Davis]

4. THANKS!

Thanks for the compliment. I don't write for The Onion, but if you have a contact there, I'd love to hear about it.

[ShortnFiery]

9. I caught on to the satire quick but THIS line was the coup de gras!

"Nader stated that he misses the warm fuzzy feeling he gets from sabotaging the elections of Democrats to high office." :rofl:

Kudos! :applause:

[Ava]

5. oh dear god you scared the bejeezus out me

:rofl:

[jackpan1260]

6. That seriously scared me for a second

[Don Davis]

7. My True Goal

My subconcious goal, apparently, is not only to satirize, but to terrorize.

My sincerest apologies.

[Atman]

11. Don't apologize. It was good satire, which is why it "caught" so many!

Oh, and btw...WELCOME TO DU, DON! :hi:

[AlamoDemoc]

8. Waste of bandwidth space with this unsubstantiated rumor is taken toll

link please

[ShortnFiery]

10. OMG, it's a JOKE ! Rest easy, Nader's not in CT race. :-) eom

[havocmom]

12. Nader's proxy, Joe has it covered though

;)

[ShortnFiery]

14. IMO, there's no reason to hold grudges over 2000

If the Greens and Dems UNITE, it would be an awesome (and successful) effort. I'm more about finding points of agreement and turning them against the Right Wing Conservatives of the Republican Party.

[havocmom]

23. Not talking about 2000

talking here and now. The powers that be, who DID funnel $$ to Nader, also want to make sure the CT seat does not go to a DEM.

Same song, new chorus

I have no problem with greens. I do worry that they have been duped by their candidates just like DEMS have. Joe is evidence to that long tradition.

Time to pay close attention to what ANY and ALL candidates are really accomplishing.

[AlamoDemoc]

13. I know its freaking joke...but I am tired of useless jokes

[ShortnFiery]

15. Understood. But some of us enjoy the talent that is ...

involved in "the product" of satire.

To each his/her own. :hi:

[AlamoDemoc]

16. I am sorry...that was bit overboard on my part...thanks

:-)

[ShortnFiery]

19. No need for that :-)

we ALL have are less than 100% moments. Besides, I'm the last person to counsel someone for "running off" half-cocked. :blush:
No worries here. :hi:

[AlamoDemoc]

21. thanks

[Stuckinthebush]

18. Lighten up, Francis

;)

[AlamoDemoc]

20. lol.....good one

;-)

[Stuckinthebush]

22. Gotta love Stripes!

:D

[peacetalksforall]

17. Very clever. Did you consider that in addition to running as a candidate,

Nader will also advise Leiberman on how to set up his personal Party and make it look like Leiberman is running for the Green Party or the xxxx Party? The amount of the consultant fee to be decided after a possible vote swap combination?

Again, very clever.

[pepperbear]

24. WELCOME TO DU! n/t