Stranger Than Fiction

[Sapphire Blue]

By BOB HERBERT

When Bob Woodward asked President Bush if he had consulted with his father about the decision to go to war in Iraq, the president famously replied, "There is a higher father that I appeal to."

It might have been better if Mr. Bush had stayed in closer touch with his earthly father. From the very beginning the war in Iraq has been an exercise in extreme madness, an absurd venture that would have been rich in comic possibilities except for the fact that many thousands of men, women and children have died, and tens of thousands have been crippled, burned or otherwise maimed.

The world now knows that the weapons of mass destruction were a convenient fiction. Less well known is that bumbling administration officials eagerly embraced the ravings of a foreign intelligence source known, believe it or not, as "Curveball." He helped promote the fantasy that Iraq had mobile laboratories for the manufacture of biological weapons.

<snip>

If President Bush had consulted with his father before launching this clownish, disastrous war, he might have gotten some advice that would have pointed him in a different direction and spared his country - and the families of the many thousands dead - a lot of grief.

Read the full article @ http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/09/opinion/09herbert.html

[blogbear]

1. I'm not so sure that father and son weren't together in this venture..

[Sapphire Blue]

3. Or the father's cabal, combined w/Junior's rivalry w/his earthly father

[blogbear]

5. That is possible!

[Daphne08]

2. Excellent Op-Ed!

Herbert has made some great points and he's reinforced facts that have received little attention in the media. I just emailed it to some friends.

[Sapphire Blue]

4. He has been making these same points for a very long time.

[Pharlo]

6. How about some fiction...

(Or, BUSH APPEALS TO A HIGHER AUTHORITY)

SCENE: Pre-Iraq invasion Oval Office: White House.
Bush and Cheney are seated on facing chairs discussing Iraq, while God (invisible to Cheney) lounges on a sofa.

BUSH: Listen, God.

(Cheney settles back on the chair with a self-satisfied smirk.)

CHENEY: Please, Mr. President, call me Dick.

(Bush glances at Cheney, puzzled.)

GOD: George …

(Bush looks back at God.)

BUSH: This is the Oval Office, call me Mr. President.

(Cheney looks taken aback and speaks at the same time as God.)

CHENY: (Noting Bush is staring off into space): But … I did Mr. President…

GOD: And you may call me ‘LORD, GOD OF ALL CREATION’.

BUSH: Holy Father…

GOD: No, that’s the Pope.

CHENEY: Holy Father? … Mr. President? …

BUSH (Cuts off Cheney): Alright, call me George.

CHENEY: Mr. President? …

GOD: And you may call me ALLAH.

BUSH: I think … Allah?

(No one speaks for a moment while a perplexed Cheney watches the leader of the free world stare vacuously into nothingness…)

CHENEY: Excuse me … Mr. President? … You, what?

BUSH: What?!

CHENEY: You said “I think… I’ll – uh… “ You’ll what, Sir?
(Bush points, offhandedly, in God’s direction)

GOD: He can’t see me. (Bush looks at God.) He is not a TRUE BELIEVER.

CHENEY: Mr. President?

(God turns to Cheney)

GOD: You - Dick. Shut up!

(Cheney has a fit of spastic coughing and is unable to stop. God turns back to Bush.)

BUSH: Allah?! You’re GOD!!

GOD: Elohim, Yahweh, Messiah, God … (shrugs) … I have many names. Today I prefer Allah.

(Bush glances at Cheney who is doubled over, coughing.)

GOD: He’ll be OK. Iraq. What’s this I hear about an invasion? Heard Bush, Iraq, war – I thought that was over -- Moment of déjà vu there.

BUSH: Yes, he has weapons of mass destruction.

GOD: He does?

BUSH: Yes.

GOD: When did he get them?

(Bush looks at God strangely.)

BUSH: My intelligence people say he has them.

GOD: Your intelligence people?

BUSH: And Britain’s, France’s, Germany’s, Israel’s, Russia’s, Japan’s …

GOD: I need to set up a Task Force to look into this immediately …

BUSH: Task Force!?! But you’re God!

GOD: Well, my intel says no WMD’s – one of us is wrong.

BUSH: Your INTEL!?! But… But … You’re GOD!

GOD (peeved): You think I have nothing better to do than concern myself with the petty-assed antics on this planet?

BUSH: But … You know everything …

GOD: I know putting you in office was a mistake.

BUSH: What?

GOD: This is a democracy, Do you HONESTLY think someone who couldn’t get the majority of the vote could win without some kind of miracle? I was having a bad week – ran out of my meds.

BUSH: Your meds?

GOD: Yeah – medication. Modern psychology – one of my better ideas.

BUSH (Looking concerned): You have some type of psychological problem?

GOD (Looking around): Well… you’re sitting in the Oval Office having a conversation with God – Do you REALLY want to discuss mental health?

BUSH: No. (Glancing at the choking Dick) You sure he’ll be okay?

GOD: As sure as I am there are no WMD’s in Iraq.

BUSH (Gravely concerned): He has a bad heart –

GOD: George – Don’t worry. Iraq?

BUSH: Yes – It’s the morally right thing to do – Invade Iraq – Stop Hussein and his WMD buildup…

GOD: No WMD’s –

BUSH: Task Force. Wait until your Task Force is done. What do you do with it?

GOD: With what?

BUSH: The information…

GOD: Release it.

BUSH: To Who?

GOD: Anyone who wants it.

BUSH: Can I see it?

GOD: Not while you’re alive.

BUSH: … I’ll wait…. Umm….Does everyone need to be dead?… I mean you wouldn’t release it to the DNC, would you?

GOD: No - Must be dead.

BUSH: Do you release any information anyone wants?

GOD: When your dead? Sure. - There’s no Executive Privilege in Heaven.

BUSH: (Starting to sweat): That sounds …

GOD: Honest?

BUSH: No … Unsettling.

(God glances at the choking Dick, now very red in the face.)

GOD: Want to discuss the Energy Commission?

BUSH: No. Executive Privilege. So, what is wrong with you – mentally?

GOD: Multiple personalities.

BUSH: Multiple personalities? But…Well…I mean…But, how?

GOD: How many names do you know of – for me?

BUSH: Well … God, Yahweh … Allah.

GOD: The Bible, The Torah, The Koran. And that’s just three…Christians expect a Christian, Jews a Jew, Muslims a Muslim…and so on – (shaking his head) - And you wonder why I have a multiple personality disorder… And while we’re at it, I want to complain about the terrible state of this country’s mental health care system.

BUSH: Is something wrong with it?

GOD: Yeah – the last two times I ran out of my meds while in this country, I was institutionalized. When I tried to get more, they locked me up.

BUSH: REALLY?!

GOD: Yeah. I’d go to refill my prescription, they’d ask who I was, I’d tell them, and BLAM! There I was – In a room with 4 padded walls.

BUSH: How did you get out?

GOD: Well… If you ever hear of spontaneous combustion, it may have happened a couple of times.

BUSH: If you’re God, why would you need a doctor? Or a prescription? And why would you be on the streets?

GOD (Staring searchingly at Bush): A lot of my people get locked up in this country? WHY?

BUSH: So….I know we can win in Iraq.

GOD: We?

BUSH: America! Do we have your support?

GOD (Looking at the choking Dick): He looks bad.

BUSH: DO SOMETHING!

(God waves a hand and Cheney’s coughing subsides and Cheney collapses on the floor. Bush starts to get up.)

GOD: Sit. He’ll be fine. Now --- Military agression – you have Catholics in your voting constituency, don’t you?

BUSH: Yes.

GOD: I’m out.

BUSH: Why?

GOD: VME

BUSH (Looking puzzled): VME? What’s that?

GOD: Virgin Mary Element – Prayers to the Virgin Mary for peace. This conflict was NOT my idea and I’m not listening to her on my support for this issue. Period.

BUSH: Why? Does she nag?

GOD: No – She’s a Jewish mother – Anything you’ve ever heard about Jewish mothers and guilt trips --- Believe it.

BUSH: But …

GOD: No.

BUSH: They have WMD’s…

GOD: No. By the way, why are you bothering me with this?

BUSH: I need to seek the guidance of a higher authority.

GOD: Wouldn’t your own father be a better choice? After all, he invaded Iraq and won. You should talk to him.

(Bush blinks, God disappears, and Bush goes over to help Cheney back to his chair.)

BUSH: Iraq –

CHENEY: Invade.

THE END.