I was born in a Philippine brothel. I'm told my father was black. I was sent to a Catholic nunnery.. [View All]

[HamdenRice]

in Cebu City, even though I was a boy. After 10 years, they tired of me and sold me to a passing Burmese pirate ship with an all female crew, where I was forced to learn how to roll cigarettes with my feet. They wanted me to keep my hands free at all times, "for other services."

Eventually I saw my chance to escape, jumping overboard in 1975 when I saw a passing ship full of Vietnamese boat people, to which I swam, and ended up in a Cambodian refugee camp. Eventually, I was paroled into the United States as a refugee, where I attended an exclusive prep school for future DLC operatives. I was trained in the arts of disinformation for the next 25 years by people who had inside knowledge that some day there would be a thing called "the internet." For a short while I was Al and Tipper Gore's gardener -- at the time that he was a DLC founder. I grew tomatoes for Tipper and the girls, while proof reading all of Hillary's secret health care reform "sell out" agreements with big pharma.

I was sent to Chicago to better perfect my craft, where my job was to procure crack cocaine, strippers and prostitutes for an up and coming Illinois state senator with a funny African sounding name.

In 2004, they signed me up to a thing called the Democratic Underground. There, I would constitute the core of a sleeper cell. I was paid to post innocuous musings about the 9/11 attacks, until the signal was given.

At that point, my Manchurian candidate responsibilities were revealed to me. I was given a list of 13 1/2 members and the name, "Dennis Kucinich," and my assignment was to repeat "DLC talking points" that were faxed to me each morning (email not being secure enough).

Now our evil plans are reaching fruition.

So, Charles, since you asked, it has all been revealed to us. As I write this email to you -- you, who are in a similar situation -- I also have a web browser window open to "The Democratic Underground."

Wouldn't it be funny if I got mixed up and put the email text in my evil DU DLC stooge posting, and put the evil DU stooge DLC talking points in the email to you?