So I got a call from a collection agency last week... (reposted) [View All]

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

Reposted with modifications per moderator,
...

I recently had to change my phone number because an email containing my personal phone number found its way into a public regulatory docket and I began getting phone calls from people with strong feelings on the subject. So I call Verizon and they assign me a new phone number - great, no more assholes calling me.

Then on Friday I get a phone call from a gentleman with a horrid east coast tanning, steroid and nightclub enthusiast accent,

"I need to talk to Jasper immediately,"
This is a cell phone and i'm not Jasper
"If this is your cell phone then you are Jasper Beardly"
I have had this number for two days, I am not Jasper"
"You are lying bro, you gave this number when you checked-in to the Orlando (hotel chain) and you owe them $1700"
I don't know what the fuck your talking about, don't call me again
"If you value your future, you will show me some respect"
I am not Jasper, do your worst.

I hang up, and he calls back immediately.

"This isn't going to go away Mr. Beardly, our client has authorized us to sue you"
And you are going to sue Jasper Beardly?
"Yes Mr. Beardly, we are going to sue you, and we will garnish your wages to settle your debt and yo' credit will suck so bad you will be screwed"
I am not Jasper Beardly you really stupid person, but go right ahead

Again I hang up...

At this point I am thinking, what kind of name is Jasper Beardly?

So, I google Jasper Beardly...

This is Jasper Beardly,




So they are trying to collect $1700 from somebody who gave the name of a Simpsons character and this phone number.

This morning they call again, a different person this time. Much more bubbly and flirty than the jerk-off who called on Friday.

"Hi Jasper this is Sarah calling"
Oh, you guys again
"So you know why I am calling, we would like to offer an opportunity to settle your debt before we commence litigation"
And once again, I am not Jasper Beardly
"Do you know where we can find Mr. Beardly?"
Try the Springfield Retirement Castle
"Sir, this isn't a laughing matter, your future is in jeopardy if you don't settle this immediately, you can't get a job without a credit check anymore"
You are sitting at a computer, google Jasper Beardly"
"Sir... ohh... oh fuck..."

They hang up this time. I suspect I have heard the last of them.