Hell Welcomes Falwell. [View All]

[Philosoraptor]

Reverend Jerry Falwell entered the lowest level of hell today and was given the standard welcome, a red hot poker shoved up his ass and his flesh instantly melting down to the bone, regenerating and re-melting forever, but there was a definite buzz among the demons and imps and sulfurous smoke.

"We've been expecting his damned ass for decades, and we've added on a new wing just to handle him and all his followers who are showing up in larger and larger numbers these days, with no signs of letting up", said , a grand demon of the lower levels of hades, his eternal sufferings are the standard ones for charlatans and religious blowhard ripoffs, but with a few special touches thrown in to personalize the agonies.

The hellish wails of former president Ronald Reagan could be heard for weeks coming from the Reagan wing built around the same time as the Christian Conservative, Moral Majority wing. He is said to have anticipated seeing his old pal Falwell for a chat when he's served his first 10,000 years with his head shoved into boiling cobra vomit and his body plagued by monstrous demon leeches, and hopes to recall the good times.

No comments from Falwell himself as yet as he is still in orientation and his tongue is severely parched and swollen from the heat and all he can do is beg for a single drop of cool, clear water to sooth his horrific sufferings.

The father of all lies and suffering himself will meet with Falwell later this week to personally welcome him and shove his pudgy behind through a meat grinder to make bratwurst for Jerry's private consumption at his own personal barbecue.

Another unmentionable demon remarked that the place is already brighter and happier just having the Reverend Falwell's withering shrieks reverberating through the cavernous recesses of the netherworld, "It does a demon good to hear that lilting, lyrical lamenting from such a fat, greedy, lying pig".

Film at 11:00.