Reply #119: I am taking a step back and a deep breath. [View All]

[demgurl]

I always want to show respect to others and I feel I may have disrespected you in my past post. Often times when you have a different opinion it can be hard to just talk. I think you have your opinion and it is good that you are so strong in your beliefs.

I guess I am strong in what I believe because I know I will not take crap from anyone. The first time my father wrapped his hands around my neck I took out a restraining order and I never talked to him again. No other man has ever even come close to touching me and if they did it might just be the last time they touch anyone. If I had not had my infant son with me when my dad lashed out, I may have done him in and no jury would ever convict me when I could easily get my mom up on the stand to talk about her eardrum that he ruptured.

I am tough because I have come a long way to believe in myself and believe strongly. I grew up,in my formative years, without a dad. I had a mom who was more a socialite than anything else. I do not remember being tucked in even one night. I was ostracized at school and i lost my virginity just to prove that someone...anyone could find me attractive and that I was worth anything.

If, at this point in my life, I feel I am worth it for someone to treat me special then I have come far enough that I believe I have earned it. I have been neglected enough and made to feel lower than low so if a couple of small things like opening doors makes me feel like a princess then so be it.

I did not enforce any rules in my class but I do try to teach any females that they do not need to put up with anything less than what makes them feel special. I have rescued two female friends from abusive relationships and perhaps if they had been told how beautiful they were or how special they were then they would not have let the men in their life abuse them. One was locked in a closet for four days due to an imagined affair on the part of the husband! (She was 43) My husband and I are always on the lookout for people who may be vulnerable and we always let people know how great they are and that they can always turn to us when cornered by a male. (we are very concerned about our niece who is 14 and may be abused by her step dad as well as someone dating our nephew who was physically abused when he was younger)

We all have to do what is right for us. Even though I demand respect form others I still can not give it to myself. I will literally have holes in my clothing or shoes before I replace them. And even though I was given a spa certificate for my birthday, last September, I still have not treated myself to a day at the spa.

I would never do anything that would harm another woman. I do believe that when men acted "properly" that lots of abuse and "ownership" issues did surface. I also believe that these things still go on today depending on the type of guy you end up with. There are always going to be men on all different levels and at one points I only dated men on the low end of the scale. There are also different types of women. There will be those who let men open doors because he is the big strong man. There will be those who do so because it makes them feel special and it shows respect. There will also be those who do it because they are expecting the man to spoil them rotten and treat them like a total princess.

The truth is, there will always be a mix of these types of people and people will treat you the way you feel you deserve to be treated or you will let them go. If you believe you someone deserved that right hook then you will keep allowing it to happen. If you believe you are so much better than that then you most likely will not have gone out with that abusive guy BUT you definitely will leave after the first threat.

I do not believe that abuse and ownership go hand in hand with doors being open. In fact, I would dare say less doors are opened in society today but abuse has gone up.

The basic premise still holds strong: treat others as you wish to be treated. I wish to be treated with respect and so I will apologize if I have come off strong in my posts. Thank you for doing your best to protect all of our rights.