Sulfur: "Satan's little calling card" [View All]

[npincus]

Tweety was apalled yesterday that Chavez would make a reference to "flatulence" (sulfur) left by B*sh at the General Assembly podium. I don't believe that's correct... there's always been an association in literature between the devil and the scent of sulfur.

Anyway, here are musings on the subject from our friends (and Chimpy's) at Landover Baptist Church.



http://www.landoverbaptist.org/sermons/colon.html

Folks, here at Landover Baptist Church, we don't care about secular opinions, we don't care about polls, we don't care what's in the newspaper and we sure as hell don't give a damn what some fancy atheistic scientist says. All we care about is what God says. If them scientists would have been paying attention to the Bible, they would have found out a long time ago what Christians already knew for the last 2,000 years. What's that? Why, it's the fact that Hell is bubbling and brewing right under our feet. Hell is in the center of the earth. If you don't believe it, then read your Bible! God tells us in Revelation, chapter 14, that he is going to torment people with fire and brimstone. Friends? Do you know what brimstone is? It's sulfur, that's what it is. Do you know where sulfur is? It's in the center of the earth, that's where it is.

And it is Satan’s little calling card. When you smell sulfur, you know Satan has been around. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had saved men come up to me who work on them oil drilling platforms in that Gulf of Mexicans and tell me the same story. They say that sometimes they drill too far and suddenly the whole platform fills with the smell of sulfur coming up the pipeline straight from Hell. Sometimes, they can actually hear the sounds of demons in Hell screaming for mercy coming up the pipe. It is a fact the media don’t want you to know, but the folks at Exxon Mobile have had to start playing loud rap music on their platforms just to drown out the sounds of demons scampering up the pipeline to escape their never-ending torture. Sometimes, they don’t close the hole quick enough and millions of demons escape. Fortunately for us, most of these demons that escape find themselves in the water (and drown because the New Testament teaches that demons, like black people, can’t swim) or they turn up in some godforsaken Arab country where everyone is damned anyway so they can’t do much harm.

But when you smell sulfur, you know the Devil is around. Friends, have you ever sat yourself down on the toilet to do nature’s necessity and been overwhelmed by the smell of rotten eggs? It is sulfur. A clear sign that demons are living in your bottom. You need to get yourself down to a Bible-believing church, pronto, and get yourself a Jesus enema!

<snip>

240,000 people go to Hell every day. That's 158 people a minute. You can line up all the people who went to Hell in the last 10 years and have them all hold hands – if they hadn’t been chewed off by demons. The line would circle the planet eight times. That's why it keeps getting bigger. Jesus tells us that that "broad is the way to destruction, but narrow is the path to salvation."