Reply #43: Hard to look at, this photo is... [View All]

[vickitulsa]

just disgusting and repulsive on so many levels.

My first thought related to my abusive, molesting father. He was a state trooper for 23 years and was more cruel and horrid to his own family than anyone in town had any idea. In fact, they had NO idea what went on in our house.

I was his main "target" for behavior he seemed to think was appropriate -- even in public at times. Worst of all, though, in a sense, was that after I was long since grown up and tried hard to avoid him while still wanting to visit my mom whenever I could, he always INSISTED on kissing me on the mouth in "greeting" every time I arrived at their place or they at mine. It was just one of the many ways he had of trying to "sneak in" offensive, unwanted, and disgusting behavior without being obvious about it (or so he thought).

Toward the end of his life (he died at 81 in 1998), I just couldn't bear being around him any more, ever again, and I left the state, letting Mom know where I was in general but not specifically. I could never even contact her, by phone or letter, without his reading her mail and listening in on every single phone call. So I just stopped making contact.

I didn't even learn he had died until about three months afterward, I'd been so out of touch for about five months total. No one expected him to die suddenly as he did, or maybe we did, but either way it worked out well that way ... no telling what sort of quandary I would have been in had I been around and obliged to attend the memorial service he never wanted but his granddaughters did.

Everyone stood up to "say nice things" about him, but if I'd been asked, I could never have said nice things about him in such a setting (although of course there were some nice things about him, there are about everyone, almost). I just would have been hard-pressed not to make a shocking announcement to the entire extended family about my father's true nature and behavior.

But here's the thing about the KISSING...

What I learned to do when I reached my mid-30's was, whenever I'd first arrive on a visit "home," I'd have my plan ready; and when Dad would try to hug and then kiss me right on the f'ing mouth, I'd TURN MY HEAD really fast just at the last moment so that his ugly wet smack would land on my cheek instead of my mouth!

Now you can see why that photo of the repulsive Chimp smooching the blond reminded me of my male parent's unwanted kisses....

It may be just me, of course, and due to my history with my dad, but I can just imagine that blond getting wise at the last moment and avoiding a direct mouth smack from the Grossest One by turning her head.

I've wondered if other daughters or stepdaughters have had to deal with this sort of thing on any scale, but usually don't ask my friends about it unless we're really close. My dad used his position of authority as my parent and a cop, to boot, to instill fear in his family and get away with whatever he wanted to do to us all.

It's all too easy for me to imagine how difficult it might be for anyone unfortunate enough to be put together with Chimpy, especially for a photo op, to evade unwanted attentions, considering HIS power status. Very unfair, and shrinks have words for it when a person uses their unfair power advantage this way.

I have my own words for it, too, but they aren't published in any psych textbooks or the DMV-IV....

It's also easy for me to imagine that "dingbat" Laura (who made her bed and lies in it I guess) finds every day and year living with that horror of a husband to be harder than the last. My mom would never dream of leaving my dad because she had no idea how she would survive "out there" without him. Thought she had no job skills, could not provide for us kids, and all that.

I told her that Dad would have HAD to pay child support, and she said that once when she threatened to divorce him (an unusual, courageous moment for her), he told her she'd never see one penny of alimony or child support from him. She replied that the court would order him to pay child support, and he retorted that he would leave the state -- or the country! -- first before he'd let a court force him to pay child support! A real heroic man, ain't he? But he absolutely meant it and would have done that.

Mom never had much confidence in herself, so after that one brave try at it when I was 11, during which she never got as far as getting into the car and driving away, she gave up and just lived with her "fate." Unfortunately, my brother and I had to live with that decision, too; but I can assure you Mom never had a clue what Dad was doing to me until I finally told her when I was past 40.

People simply do not comprehend, unless they've lived with it or know someone who has, how the POWER of a molesting adult over children or simply other weaker adults in his (or the rare her) life is how they get away with what they do. There are tons of photos of our family all smiling at the camera looking like "nothing is wrong here," but although a few others in the extended family have only learned in recent years what really went on, I knew it all along and just had to live with it.

Of course, I used to think similar thoughts about the sort of shit Hillary had to put up with as well......

Can't say I ever admired Clinton for his womanizing, but I trust he didn't molest Chelsea! Just couldn't have and probably wouldn't have, whether he could get away with it or not, is how I read him. But then what do we REALLY KNOW about what goes on behind closed doors? I'm a classic example.

Guess I shouldn't have said that last part, but hey, I really DON'T believe the "Big Dog" was or is anywhere near as bad as many out there when it comes to "inappropriate behavior." I thought from the git-go that the Monica-Paula Jones business was "blown" up to ridiculous proportions by a vengeful and otherwise helpless, jealous Repug majority in the House to push for impeachment. They angered the nation with their relentless attacks and push to impeach, went ahead with it when no one wanted it, and generally embarrassed themselves even more than WJC in the end, IMO.

And I think folks here at DU are perfectly justified in comparing Bill's "crimes" to the Chimp's and seeing the obvious absurdity in the juxtaposition! One day, some day, and I hope some day soon, the entire country will have to think about all that, and who knows what people will make of photos like this one someday down the line?