My predictions for the 2006 Mid-Term Election (some Texas content) [View All]

[StellaBlue]

1. Thanks to the five-candidate race, Governor Goodhair will be re-elected.

2. Kinky will prove himself an utter fool during the debates, completely at a loss without his cigar prop.

3. Gas will go below $2.00 a gallon in time for the election.

4. Everyone but PNAC signatories will call for the resignation of Rumsfeld, but he will continue to deliver doublethink speeches worthy of Goebbels with no apparent cognitive dissonance.

5. Ned Lamont will win in Connecticut, despite the GOP's best efforts at supporting Joe Vichy Lieberman.

6. The Dems will take the US House, and about seven more governorships.

7. Ohio will suffer more massive election fraud so blatant-yet-unregulated as to make LBJ actually rise from the dead to high-five Karl Rove. Meanwhile the LBJ joke-telling automaton will mysteriously disappear, and rumors will circulate on the internets that Alex Jones has footage of George H. W. Bush sucking its plastic dick at Bohemian Grove.

8. Dick Cheney will remain at an undisclosed location through the election season.

9. George Allen will, like all Republicans, continue to possess no sense of irony, chastizing his opponent, who was born in Virginia, for fundraising among "a bunch of Hollywood producers" despite the fact that he, himself, is from California. Seriously, it would be weird enough for someone actually from Virginia to have a living room filled with Confederate flags and memorabilia, but why would a California boy grow up and do that...? Anyway, it will be revealed after he loses in November that he has been having a secret affair with Strom Thurmond's black daughter since 1996.

10. Hillary Clinton will be treated to a giant fundraiser courtesy Rupert Murdoch. Oh, wait, that already happened.

11. Sometime after the election, Al Gore will (pretending to be reluctant) announce he's running in 08.

12. After coming in dead-last in the governor's race, with her share of votes in the single digits, Grandma Carole Keeton McLellan Rylander Strayhorn Lieberman will chain herself to the Mantroller - I mean, Comptroller's desk and refuse to vacate.