Reply #35: thanks for reply [View All]

[marions ghost]

and for underscoring my point--that many parents today are living through their kids to a point that is destructive-- to marriages, to the kids very often, to themselves in the end. We need to have some compassion for them IMO. It's not only about overindulgence and classic spoiling. I see it all around me now, parents constantly worried about their kids. And I'm not SURE you CAN keep the children from some of the fearful pitfalls out there. One kid I know had parents who raised her in a very wholesome environment, not materially indulged, away from all the distractions and craziness in our society. But they also were a bit too restrictive perhaps, too protective...it's a fine line. To their horror when she went to college she blithely moved in with her (professor) boyfriend, 18 years older. Talk about a parent's worst nightmare. There are no guarantees in parenting.

This sad state of living through kids reflects our culture--it's easier to overprotect children rather than come to terms with the outside forces driving the fears and behaviors. These forces are complex and overwhelming. Even intelligent parents can sink into narcissistic identification with their children as they're growing up and focus on the kids' relatively uncomplicated activities to the point of obsession. That way you don't have to think about how scary the world is. OK these beauty pageants encompass performing, song and dance of a cutesy sort that's pretty repugnant, but is it ANY worse really than the sports scene that parents get all caught up in...or the science fair competitions, or the marching band clubs-- maybe a little shallower, but not by much. The stakes are too high in all of them.

Gotta remember that for parents, kids represent their biggest investment in the future. Especially these days to raise kids is an act of faith, blind faith that the future will be OK for them. But we're not so sure about that in this Reign of Boosh...

Also people so desperately want to belong, and for their kids to belong...not easy in such a transitory society. They try to 'create community'...which suddenly dries up when the kids leave home, because it's all been focused on them. I am on the parents' side in this. When you blame parents for what you consider over-parenting, over-involvement--you have to take into consideration the cultural pressures on them.