Reply #82: You are a truly kind one, Handpuppet -- and one who clearly speaks [View All]

[vickitulsa]

from a deep understanding of "the poverty problem" in our country (as well as around the world, I'm sure).

And yes, you're right, it is very hard to share such facts of life as it now is for me. However, I've come to believe that I have one thing a great many of the poor do not: an articulate voice. And I've concluded that it's my DUTY to speak for others who cannot express their desperation very well -- they just live in it.

I don't feel I have a right to give out publicly a lot of details of the lives of others I know who live in poverty, especially knowing as I do that most of them would NOT want their destitution known to strangers they have good reason to believe would NOT CARE or want to help and in fact would likely judge them harshly. It's hard enough when one is forced to go "begging" to the agencies and organizations established for the very purpose of assisting the poor. Many find they are simply unable to make themselves do it -- so they perish much sooner (and much to the satisfaction of those who consider us expendable if not outright undesirable).

I've never quite understood the attitude of many of the people who work in these organizations, by the way. The same is true of most churches here in Tulsa, which probably has more of the ultra-rightwing "megachurches" per capita than any other city in the nation. Why is it that those tasked with the job of directly interviewing poor people applying for help often seem to have their noses so high in the air while they're doing it?

Obviously I'm not referring here to volunteers and workers who honestly RELATE to the poor and their life-and-death struggles and truly want to help however they can. Your journal piece you posted here talks about the churchmembers in WV, for instance, who do a great deal to help the poor among them. But long before I fell below the poverty line, I had many friends who were already there, and I remember the many times some of them tried turning to churches in the Tulsa area for help them with groceries and clothes. These folks truly needed this assistance, and it was clear from the way they looked, the garments they wore, the gauntness of many of them. Yet almost every time they went to a church and asked, they were met with one question which halted their effort in its tracks and turned them around, sent them out the door:

"Are you a member of this church?"

I used to wonder what would happen if one of these friends of mine joined a church, attended there as best they could (considering they have no reliable transportation), and THEN asked for assistance. Almost every church I've ever been in in the past used to have at least one big room filled with donated foodstuffs and clothing, freely given to anyone who turned up on their doorstep in need, NOT JUST MEMBERS of that congregation.

In most cases nowadays, at the very least any poor and hungry person seeking help is compelled FIRST to sit through a long sermon, one that often condemns those who suffer, blames the victims. Instead of quoting Jesus, the "lecturer" quotes Paul or some other Bible verses that say things like "he who doesn't work shouldn't get to eat."

Of course, "won't" work is very different from "can't" work, but some fail to see the distinction!

Many poor people are so sick and tired of being accused of being lazy bums they simply can't bring themselves to ask for help anymore. Or they're too worn down from the many rejections they receive. Their faith in their fellow humans grows weaker with every "NO!" they hear, and they sink into deep depressions that get harder and harder to come out of. HOPE becomes a memory and no longer a viable, well-nourished FEELING.

So when you ask me, "what can we do?," I hardly know how to respond! It's so uncommon to be asked that question, I'm sort of stunned.

I'm not sure how to answer, so I'll think about it and PM you (if I don't lose my nerve, but you can PM me -- I always reply even when I can't make a first approach).

I can tell you this: A couple of weeks ago I noticed that there was a gold star by my name in my posts here on DU, and knowing how those are acquired, I was amazed. I am legally blind and often miss stuff, so I had no idea how long that star had been there, even! I finally wrote Skinner and asked if someone had donated to DU in my name and when, and he said it happened last NOVEMBER!

Again I was stunned -- and sad that I had not seen it sooner so I could speak up immediately and write a thank-you post to the group, hoping the one who donated for me saw it. What is kinda crazy about this is how deeply it TOUCHED ME that someone here had done this for me. Clearly whoever it was must have read one of my posts where I revealed my poverty. What that person couldn't have known was how much I have wanted to donate to DU! :) This place has kept my spirits up so many times when I was flagging and losing all hope.

For many of us who are desperately poor now but were hard-working and independent even if poor for most of our lives, asking for help in itself is just so hard. And at some point, after many rejections, a lot of us just cease all efforts to turn to programs or organizations or churches we had once thought would certainly help the truly needy.

But the oddest thing of all is that, when someone DOES offer to help and really means it -- and especially if they offer some kind and understanding words and maybe even a hug when they do it -- I and many like me break down, fall apart, and cry. It's like a dam breaks and the hurt and sorrow and desperation that have built up just flow out in a rush, in a flood. The whole process can be so overwhelmingly emotional it's actually kind of scary.

Fact is, there's not really a way to offer me "a hand up," if you mean a way to enable me to move into a decent dwelling where I'd actually have hot water and a flushing toilet because I simply could not afford to keep staying there, paying the rent. I live on a fixed income from SSDI that is $718/month, and my lot rent in this RV park is $350/month. I have my own motorhome -- but it's a 1973 model, only 25 feet long and deteriorating faster every year now, and the engine probably won't start anymore.

I parked it here three years ago knowing however long I stayed here in it would be my last days of any privacy and independence in my life. I have a brother who lives in Tulsa but he tries very hard to forget I exist. He could help me, but he has made it clear he will not do more than the tiny bit he does now -- which is basically to let me bathe at his place once every couple of weeks and do a load of laundry there.

Also, paradoxically, if I were to openly receive money or even goods from caring friends, it could put me at risk of losing my healthcare insurance through Medicare and Medicaid! Poor as it is, inadequate and difficult to obtain, it's the only healthcare available to me, and I desperately need it to continue. I couldn't even accept the car my mother wanted to give me when she could no longer drive because if it had been put in my name, I would have a "net worth" of more than $4,000, which is the cut-off for allowing me to get assistance....

I understand my brother's thinking -- the same dad we had raised me, too, and this is my dad's attitude coming out in my brother. Dad trained him well in his sexist beliefs and hard-hearted views. But if others were to help me, I'm not sure how I could avoid losing my healthcare.

Sorry to run on so much, and I must stop now because the temp outside is already approaching 90 degrees so my PC will crash on me any minute now. But thanks for encouraging me to get some of these feelings out, Handpuppet -- it has done a lot for my spirit to be understood and welcomed as you have done. Reading this whole thread has been very helpful and encouraging to me, and I've bookmarked it so I'll always be able to find it when I'm discouraged. Also the many helpful sources you linked may prove very valuable to me, ya never know! :)

Thanks again, to you and others here who care. It is most appreciated!