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Most of you here probably know that I have a mental illness that I've battled for the last 17 years. The good news is that I've got a handle on things most of the time now days. I still have a little trouble sometimes, usually for a couple of weeks to a month in the winter, but it's not the disabling dementia that I used to experience. Just a little rough patch here and there when I have to be extra sure to take care of myself.
I used to write about mental health issues frequently here in the lounge. I usually confine that stuff to the mental health support group now days, but I wanted a wider audience this time, so here I am.
I won't go into details, but I'll tell you enough to give you a good idea. Many psychiatrists and psychologists think that mental illnesses are caused by a combination of genetic problems and social and/or family problems growing up. That would seem to be the case with me. There is a history of mental illnesses on my dad's side of the family and I also have a history of...well, we'll say family problems, starting at a very young age.
My family is quite dysfunctional, but we smooth it all over with sweet stuff now days and pretend all the bad shit never happened. I think they do it for their own sanity. It's easier for me to keep my distance now and I've come to the conclusion that it's better for me not to disturb the demons as far as my family is concerned. I'm not interested in making them better. They buy into their own bullshit and don't think anything is wrong. It's better to let them be.
I'm 37. I've been hospitalized three times for psychiatric problems, the last time being 7 years ago. I had a miserable life up until that point and I'm still trying to get everything sorted out. But I'm okay now, even happy. I never thought that would happen to me. I feel like I'm really coming into my own. I feel like I own myself now and I'm not somebody's puppet or property. I'm no longer a slave to someone else's emotions. And just as importantly, I'm realizing why I am the way I am and how I can make things better.
Buying this truck and putting some distance between me and "home" has helped me a great deal. I had to move out of the home in my head, too. This trucking journey is just as much a metaphorical journey for my own mind as it is trucking it up and down the highways. There are two different journeys going on here and they work with each other.
I have come a long way. I've been a member of DU since 2003, most of it under a different user name. I used to be known as Droopy. I'm happy to report a great deal of progress since then, in more ways than one. I hope you guys can see it. :)
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