Whew! I survived another cold, invasive Western medical procedure! [View All]

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This morning at six A.M. - yes, zero-dark-frigging-thirty on SATURDAY morning - I had to go into a clinic for a colonoscopy.

I'm not posting this because I think anyone is remotely interested in my innards. But mostly in case anyone else might be facing this same thing and is worried.

If anyone is worried about having one of these things - don't be. The worst part is that damn fasting/purging ritual the day before, where you have to eat nothing and drink a gallon of crystallized donkey piss.

The procedure itself - meh. The anesthesiologist said: "Think happy thoughts." The next thing I knew, I was somewhere else with a nurse standing beside my bed. (A nice young Asian woman with blue hair, one of the few new-fangled fashion fads of which I actually approve in my Geezerdom.)

I asked her when we would start the actual procedure, and she said: "We're done."

Was this procedure "necessary," as they ask in the Health-Scare forum all the time? You bet your colon. My favorite uncle died of colon/pancreatic cancer at a fairly young age, and nobody saw it coming. He seemed to be in the best of health when it hit and he was gone shortly thereafter.

Scientific observation: a friend who's had this done said I probably would not be interested in eating after the procedure, even though I had not eaten for more than 24 hours. I just disproved that theory at the local deli, with 3 eggs, 4 slabs of Canadian bacon, a pile of home fries, and a bagel.

Oh, and the results - no problems. My asshole looks so good, it will probably get a job offer from Fox News.