Reply #32: Yes, I know it's wrong [View All]

[Modem Butterfly]

And it bothers me somewhat. But the passive-aggressive niceness thing really baffles me. I don't understand why folks aren't either simply honest and straight-forward or simply refuse to deal with people that piss them off. Why continue to smile and backstab or malign them?

I hope you'll not find it offensive when I point out that this exact same logic is used in the following, very common expression of feeling: "I know, intellectually, that black people aren't out to get me, but I work from that assumption until proven otherwise."

Well, I think it's a bit different, in that I don't look at who's white and in the South and assume that they're Southern. But if someone has that overly polite, unctous attitude that some mistake for Southern charm, then yes, I'm going to assume that you're being fake and I'm going to be on my guard around you. I think it's more akin to hearing someone use a double negative or the word "ain't" and assuming they're stupid.

I wish I could continue to be naive and trusting of folks while living here. But both my business and personal relationships have taught me otherwise. There is some subtlety to communications on the part of white Southerners that I simply don't get. Maybe it's because I'm not a Southerner, maybe it's because I'm a person of color, maybe it's because I'm violating some unspoken rule. But I am on guard around people who seem to embrace this "charm".

You're likely to hear that from someone who subconsciously believes the sum-total of black culture is embodied in movies like Boyz in the Hood and has a instinctive habit of locking car doors more quickly when they see a black man walking across the parking lot.

Well, that's where we diverge. I don't equate a drawl with someone coming to my door with a gun. I'm quite experienced in Southern culture. But in my experience, that veneer of niceness is often a substitue for sincerity. Which dovetails into your next point:

The point is not to say some of the most "horrible, hostile shit" and then append "bless her heart" at the end. The point is to avoid saying directly the horrible, hostile shit in the first place.

Ah. So it's a lie, and worse than that, one candy coated in insincerity. Glad to know my original assumption was correct.