Reply #6: They have lived in a retirement village for 8 years. They are [View All]

[DURHAM D]

currently living independently (in a duplex)with a some assistance from my sister. However, they won't let her provide their meals on a regular basis and will not let her dispense their medicine. They won't even let her clean and do the laundry. My mother continues to insist they can do it all themselves. But they aren't. When my Mother says "we" she actually means my Dad. He is five years older than she is. Their lifelong devotion to being independent is why they have been able to remain in independent living 5-6 years into their diagnosis.

We asked the administrators to do their annual evaluation a month early because we were worried about their nutrition and are afraid they will wonder/drive off. The administrator/management gave us 30 days to change their living status after their recent examination. The village has three assisted living step-ups. My mother has to go straight into the Alzheimer's unit immediately - my Dad is basically her constant seeing-eye dog, daily memory and provider. He is only slightly better and her care is wearing him out. Every day is a new day. It is as if nightfall erases their data banks.

We have looked at every possibility in the area but they live in a small town in the midwest. They are very sweet and have been great parents. My nephew got married last month and they could not attend the wedding - my Mother did not want to fly. My Dad cried while he told me that he felt bad that they could no longer parent, grandparent and great-grandparent the way they were supposed to. I told him it was time for all of those they had nurtured to give back to them. He felt embarrassed to admit or accept help - he is 90 years old.