For those of us not in contact with our parent/s! [View All]

[foreigncorrespondent]

Because today is fathers day in some parts of the world I thought I would post about dads in general.

Today is a day of celebrating the one man in our lives that no matter what should always be there for us. Unfortunately for some of us though, this simply isn't the case. I am one of these people.

Basically, my dad won't have anything to do with me, because I am a lesbian.

I grew up without my dad in my life. My mum and dad were in the process of getting divorced when I was born. My dad put up a fight to win custody of my sister, but believed I was not his child, so he refused to even consider the possibility of fighting for me as well. Luckily for us he lost the fight for custody of my sister, and we both grew up with my mum (and my mum is the one I wished a Happy Fathers Day to today. She is both my mum and my dad, and is the one who will give me away when I marry Sapph.)

When I was in 1st grade I came home from school heartbroken because the teacher had set us our first assignment ever. We had to write a small thing on what our dads did for a living. Well because my father wasn't around I didn't know anything. In fact it never even crossed my mind that I had a father (at that age I knew nothing about how babies were made.) This is when I learned who my father was, saw my first ever photo of him, and learned what he actually did for a living and what state in Australia he was last known to be living in.

After that day I grew up with full knowledge that my father never wanted me, because he believed I wasn't his.

Turn to my mid twenties, I got so tired of my sister always saying she was going to find our dad, but never even began, so I took what knowledge of him I had and placed a phone call. With in 15 minutes I had his contact details. So I gave them to my sister. I wasn't going to make contact for because of the fact he never wanted me.

Well eventually my sister contacted him, and he wrote back. My sister did tell him about me and gave him my contact details, and to my surprise he actually wrote to me. Well one thing lead to another and with in a couple of months we were meeting our dad, step mother, and two half brothers for the first time.

That Christmas (something I regret doing now) we spent with him and his family in Western Australia. It was this trip I learned he was a bigoted old homophobe. At the time I was in denial about myself, so I ignored it.

When I turned 30 and finally stopped being in denial. At this time I also realized what kind of reaction my dad would give me so I kept it quiet from my family and only came out to a few close friends. Well two years later I met Sapph. Of course my not being out to my family really wasn't fair on her, so I came out to my mum and sister. My dad I decided I would deal with later.

When I returned to Australia in January of 2002 I wrote to my father. I explained to him that I was a lesbian. And for him not to think I have brought shame on him, because it wasn't anything he had done to make me this way, but rather something God wanted to happen. I told him that I had met someone who is the love of my life, and he needs to accept that and be happy because she makes me the happiest I have ever been. I also told him I would like nothing more than to one day have the opportunity to introduce my partner to my dad. Well I never received an answer. Since that time I have sent a further three letters to him, but never get any response. Broken hearted I have now given up hope of ever having him in my life again.

I may not have grown up with a dad in my life, but it still hurts a hell of a lot to know he wants nothing to do with me, because of who I love more than life itself. That is unfair to me, and truly unfair to Sapph. She is the one who has to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, caused by a man she has never even met. A man who doesn't want to take the time to get to know her, and see for himself just how happy she makes me.

So share your story with us, and let us be a support for each other. Why are you not in contact with your dad now? Is it because you are gay, or something else?