Reply #2: In part it depends on the situation. [View All]

[noamnety]

If it's at a job with a human resources department, I'd have no problem referring the issue to them.

If it was a friend ... I dunno. I recently confronted a friend about a racist comment. It didn't go too well, but he did agree not to discuss such things around me. So talking about black people the way he did was off limits, at least he got that it was offensive to me. And then the next time I saw him he made a racist comment about Mexicans. And then there was a third group the next time. And somewhere in there he asked if I had black ancestors, like he couldn't wrap his head around the idea that the comment was inherently offensive whether or not I was the target of it.

I came to realize I can't change him. I don't hang out with him anymore. I'm really hoping other people will call him out on it as well, because right now all he understands is that I get offended by such things. It takes hearing it from a number of sources for people to get that they are actively being offensive.

The only other thing I can think is that if you can get them to a more neutral understanding - like watching a movie that brings them to their own conclusions - they won't close up with defensiveness as if they are personally being attacked.