Conservative dialogue on Barack Obama's character usually goes something like this: [View All]

[Bicoastal]

Conservative: "The guy scares me. I mean, let's look at the facts: first of all. his father comes from Kenya, and Kenya is in Africa. How many countries in Africa do you know of that are politically or economically stable? So that's troublesome right there."

Liberal: "Um--"

Conservative: "He got into Harvard--how? How many people like Barack Obama get accepted into Harvard? Not many that I'm aware of. You've got to wonder why it was so easy for him to get into an Ivy League school, to say nothing of his many successes at writing books and winning elections. Why has it always been so EASY for him? Something's pretty fishy there, because I can't see him being particularly deserving of any of this success without a little outside help, if you get my drift."

Liberal: "Um--"

Conservative: "He grew up in Hawaii, which is a WEIRD place for a future President to grow up in, what with its distance from middle america--REAL America. Hawaii's exotic and scary enough--but then, he spent a lot of time in Chicago, which is not only a big dangerous URBAN city, but its also where Jesse Jackson spends most of his time. You want me to believe that Barack Obama and Jesse Jackson don't share the same mindset?"

Liberal: "Um--"

Conservative: "I mean, he pretends to be so unaturally polished and articulate, but you just KNOW when no one's around he listens to gangsta rap and wants reparations for slavery and carries a seething hatred for Southern people. How come none of this is ever talked about in the media? How come no one exposes him as the angry thug my Internet chat room says he really is? Stuff like this makes it hard for people like me to relate to him."

Liberal: "Um--"

Conservative: "I mean, his name is different from any President we've ever had. His APPEARANCE is different from any President we've ever had. Heck, his wife and his children look different from any President's family we've ever had. How can I not be worried about this guy?"

Liberal: "Um, well, it sounds to me like you have a lot of deap-seated issues regarding the president's race."

Conservative: <blink><blink> "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A RACIST?!