Reply #6: Haven't you gotten the memo? Sports are IMPORTANT, more IMPORTANT [View All]

[Lydia Leftcoast]

than just about anything else in the entire world.

Sports are the cure for children who are alienated from school.
Sports are the cure for juvenile delinquency.
Not putting your child on a sports team is practically child abuse.
If you're a good parent, you must attend all your children's stupid, boring games and practices, even if it means leaving work early and missing adult events.
The best way for children to spend their summer is at sports camp.
Sports are so important to colleges that outstanding athletes must be given full scholarships, even if academically outstanding students have to take out loans.
Sports are so important that failing students who blow off their professors' advice on study habits will change their diets, change their sleep habits, and spend an hour in the weight room and run five miles a day, just because their coach said so.
Sports are so important that sports statistics are the one exception to the American notion that knowing things makes you a nerd.
Sports are so important that they deserve to take up 1/3 of each local newscast, an entire section of your local paper, and about half-a-dozen entire cable channels, not to mention pay-per-view events.
Sports are so important that cities will spend millions in tax dollars to build stadiums because a profit-making business owned by millionaires threatens to leave town otherwise.
Sports are so important that said stadiums are considered essential to a city's "quality of life," even as schools, libraries, parks, and transportation networks deteriorate.
Sports are so important that Americans who would sit out a full-scale military coup in blissful indifference will take to the streets and riot or celebrate with drunken fervor, depending on how their team did in the national championships.
Sports are so important because they're considered the only road for minority youth to leave the ghetto (never mind that the odds are so bad that they'd actually have a better chance of finding a job in music than in sports)
Sports are so important because they teach teamwork (as if participating in theater or playing in a band doesn't)
Sports are so important that if Karl Marx were writing today, he'd write, "Sports are the opiate of the people."


Lerkfish, you've just to get with the program. All this silly fuss about fascists taking over the government! Let's talk about something really important, like who's going to be in the World Series!