Reply #91: I would rephrase this and clarify. [View All]

[woo me with science]

Just because a woman has a history of sexual abuse does not mean that she is necessarily emotionally unhealthy for a relationship. I think you have to distinguish between two groups of women reporting past abuse.

I do believe that it can be a bad idea to date women who are heavily involved in "Survivorship" (with a capital "S") and recovering memories of abuse. There is an almost cult-like subculture of "survivors" who build their lives around recovering and obsessing on "repressed" or "dissociated" memories of abuse (that are very likely to be false). The constant focus on abuse memories and victimhood in this group will be damaging to almost any relationship, but these women are NOT representative of most women who have actually experienced abuse.

There is a famous quote in the abuse literature by a therapist who observed that her therapy groups for abuse survivors almost always split on their own into two subgroups. Those who had always remembered their memories wanted to focus on moving past their abuse and building healthy lives and relationships. They could not tolerate the women with "recovered" memories, who were mainly interested in recounting and obsessing on their memories, and playing the role of victim. This obsessive self-focus is not conducive to the development of healthy, equal relationships with others.

Just because a woman has a history of abuse does NOT mean that a relationship with her will be unhealthy. If she is involved in recovering memories and building her life around her role as "Survivor," however, that is a very bad sign.