Reply #24: Sounds pretty normal [View All]

[jobycom]

Not meaning to make light of your stress, but most grad students reach the point where you are sometime. I know it doesn't make it easier, but it's true. I felt like that twice. The first time I dropped out and then went back. The second time I was running out of time and was too far behind, and basically abandoned it for good. I still wish I hadn't. My reaction was completely justified by everything that was happening to me, but I still wish I had forced myself to buckle down for six more months, to finish. I am stuck in that mindless "career" you fear. I'll get out of it, but believe me, the boredom and frustration is a lot worse than the intense stress and futility of grad school.

Make your own decisions. Don't worry about what your family thinks of you know. Worry about where you want to be in five years. Do you see yourself as satisfied if you drop out now? Do you see yourself as more satisfied with your degree? Think of what your parents will say then. No matter how old you are, you will tend to think you are stuck for the rest of your life at the stage you are now. But it's not true. Everything changes, constantly, and you will be well beyond this phase in a year or two. Make your decisions now to put you where you want to be then, and dig down to make whatever sacrifice you have to to get there.

Your professors wouldn't have let you get this far if you couldn't do what they are asking. If they are talking over your head, understand that that is their failing, not yours. They are failing to communicate to you what you need to know. Explain that to them, and don't take the attitude that you are at fault, that you are just not good enough to be there. Tell them that you aren't sure what they want. Tell them you don't understand the difference between what they are trying to say and what you are doing. They are used to this. It is their job. You may even get them on your side. One of my biggest mistakes in grad school was assuming that if I stayed quiet I would look more intelligent. It worked. It worked so well that my professors assumed I knew everything they were saying, and so I never did figure out some of their advice, until it was too late. They are paid to help you become what they are. They will not think less of you if you go to them and explain that you aren't sure what you need to do. If anything, it will allow them to question you, to find the edges of what you do know, and that will give them a better chance to help you over the hump. They live for that stuff.

You are currently in a good place. You've got no ego left. You've got no self-confidence left. You know you need help to go anywhere. Use that feeling to talk to them, to find out where you need to be, to construct a game plan to get where you want to be. Speak to your advisor, too, about how hard and fast the seven year rule is at your school--I found out too late it was more flexible than I thought at mine. Use this void to create a positive game plan, and that will give you a positive feeling about where you are going.

And squash the doubts about what you want to do. You got into this because you wanted to. Stick with it. End it the way you planned. If you hate it still once you have your thesis written, just stick with your old job and ignore your degree. Now isn't the time to indulge in doubts. That will trap you in a life you hate a lot more than failing out of school ever will. You can do it, or they wouldn't have let you get this far.

Just my thoughts. I've been there. I blew it. Don't blow it. You'll feel incomplete. You'll feel better failing than quitting, too.