Reply #15: it's not weak to feel pain [View All]

[idgiehkt]

people who don't feel this kind of stuff are called sociopaths. It's part of being human. Thank God you are able to feel it and don't stuff it down and then flip out and beat your kids...repressed emotion almost always comes out inappropriately. What you are doing is the more mature, adult thing to do, and it's the harder thing to do, too. It's easier just to stuff it down or medicate it.

It's so funny what you said about what your Mom has told you about weak women because I was raised in the south and given the impression that men aren't interested in anything but weakness and fragility in women (which may be some of the reason I wrote them off, since acting weak is just boring to me). Strange we got opposing ends of the broad brush...I think men are complex and unpredictable and have their own personal preferences just like women do. It's probably best not to grieve in front of the kids but sometimes you can't help it. Of course you are modeling an appropriate reaction to loss, so that's good. My mother just numbed out and completely shut down when bad things happened, she had no emotional response whatsoever and that is crazy-making for a kid to witness. I think you are just being way too hard on yourself.