Reply #8: you don't go in a barbershop unless you want a haircut [View All]

[datasuspect]

actually, alcoholic isn't that effective a descriptor for ALL the MANY different people who have substance abuse issues.

some people are binge drinkers, some can stop on their own, some drink in response to a terrible life event.

the "true alcoholic" of AA fame (from what 12 steppers call the "big book") is someone who has no effective mental defense against the first drink.

so, although they realize the calamity that drinking entails, and although they swear off and quit and curse their maker over and over, they find themselves trapped by what bill wilson calls "a mental blank spot." and anything can set it off. they find themselves drinking again.

in the depths of my struggle with booze, i likened it to having two people living in my head: one that wanted to do good and succeed and another that wanted to destroy me.

but i see that all as a royal mindfuck.

i drink because it accomplishes things i cannot accomplish by myself emotionally and coping wise - and because at times i actually like it. and because i am afraid of perceving reality without that short circuit.

but the press of the devastation and the reduction in my quality of life is causing me to rethink much of this and start to use some responsibility to not actually go over the deep end or to stop entirely.