Reply #27: I can SO relate to this [View All]

[skygazer]

And even though I'm in a relationship that has lasted over four years so far, I am still so very, very guarded. I cannot let myself depend on another because I'm so afraid of being let down. I cannot let myself fully love anyone because everyone I've ever loved has vanished from my life (mostly via death - sometimes I feel like a jinx). I cannot let myself need someone because when I need them, they disappear.

I know my inability to let go of that guardedness is often itself what sabotages the relationships but I can't seem to let the guard down - whoever said it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all was full of crap, IMO. :hug: