I start therapy next week for my relationship. (venting) [View All]

[Worst Username Ever]

So I have been dating my fiancee on-and-off for 6 years. We have broken up 3 times during that period because I find myself unhappy in the relationship and finding a need to become fulfilled elsewhere, whether it be though friends or other life experiences or because I feel the need to see other people. As soon as the new relationship ends or when I become lonely she and I end up talking again and hanging out again and inevitable end up together again. That is followed by a period of bliss, followed by comfort, followed by me becoming claustrophobic and unhappy again, and the cycle continues.

So this past week I finally we had a long chat about how I was not sure about the engagement (we became engaged last November). Obviously she is not happy about this. I went to Chicago to hang out with one of my closest friends this weekend and talked about what the hell my deal is. I'm not even sure, but something seems to be preventing me from having a successful relationship with this person, as well as others.

Tuesday night she and I had another long talk, about 3 hours, where I cried and realized that the issue seems to lie with me and my inability to follow through with this. I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HER, she is a wonderful woman who does everything to try and make me happy. She even makes my lunch every day for work (I have never met anyone else who does things like this for me).

Had a cry-fest with my mother last night and she told me, as only mothers can, that I really need to talk to someone and get this figured out. I just don't know what my problem is, or if out of desperation or whatever I keep going back to the same person. I WANT her to be the one, I really do, but I just can't seem to do it.

So, my first appointment with the therapist is next Thursday and I am going to UNLOAD. I am really looking forward to it but am very scared about what these sessions are going to show me about myself, or worse, what they will tell me about this person who I keep coming back to.

Your positive thoughts are appreciate, thank you. Just needed to vent.