Reply #40: A mutiny of preverts [View All]

[Thurston Howell IV]

Cut to: Burpleson AFB, Ripper's office. Mandrake examines a notepad on Ripper's desk. It is covered with doodles and an interlocking pattern of the words Peace On Earth, and Purity Of Essence.

Mandrake:

Peace on Earth. Peace on Earth. Peace on Earth: P O E. Purity of essence. O P O E. whispers O P E.

shots ring out as the doorlock is destroyed, and the door to the office opens. Enter Bat Guano, brandishing an M-1 carbine.

Guano:

Put your hands over your head.

Mandrake:

What the devil do you think you're doing, shooting your way in here? Who are you?

Guano:

I said, put your hands over your head. What kind of suit you call that, fellah?

Mandrake:

What do you mean, suit? This happens to be an R. A. F. uniform, sir. And I am Group Captain Lionel Mandrake. I am General Ripper's Executive Officer.

Guano:

Where's General Ripper?

Mandrake:

He's dead, in the bathroom.

Guano:

Where's the bathroom?

Mandrake:

Next to you.

Guano:

Peers around bathroom door and whistles in exclamation.

Mandrake:

Look, I don't know what sort of stupid game this is you're playing, but I've got a very good idea what the recall code is and I have to get in touch with SAC headquarters immediately.

Guano:

I said put your hands over your head and keep 'em there. Got any witnesses?

Mandrake:

Witnesses? What are you talking about, witnesses? He shot himself!

Guano:

While he was shaving, huh?

Mandrake:

Now look, Colonel... Bat Guano, if that really is your name, may I tell you that I have a very, very good idea, I think, I hope, I pray, what the recall code is. It's some sort of recurrent theme he kept repeating. It's a variation on Peace on Earth or Purity of Essence. E O P. O P E. It's one of those!

Guano:

Put your hands up on top of your head. Start walking.

Mandrake:

Don't you know that General Ripper went as mad as a bloody march hare and sent the while wing to attack the Soviets? Don't you know that?

Guano:

What are you talking about?

Mandrake:

I'll tell you what I'm talking about. I'm going to pick up this red telephone which is connected to SAC. And I hope... blast. Blast! Shot away, I expect by one of your men during this ridiculous fighting! picks up another phone Right. glances down to discover this phone has no cord at all.

Guano:

Alright, Charlie, I been wasting too much time on you. I got a lot of wounded men outside. Start walking.

Guano:

marching Mandrake out of Ripper's office at gunpoint The other way.

Mandrake:

Where are you taking me?

Guano:

The main gate.

Mandrake:

Colonel! Colonel, I must know what you think has been going on here!

Guano:

You wanna know what I think?

Mandrake:

Yes.

Guano:

I think you're some kind of deviated prevert. And I think General Ripper found out about your preversion, and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts. Now, move!


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Complete transcript:
http://www.visual-memory.co.uk/amk/doc/0055.html