Reply #13: my nephew's comments [View All]

[bertha katzenengel]

He's almost 17, and he and i are the family's emo kids. We're so much alike emotionally, sometimes it's hard to believe he's my nephew and not my son.

My sister's eulogy didn't really take into account the fact that our dad wasn't a good father.* My nephew thinks he knows the whole story; he doesn't, but he does know the most basic part: my dad left my mom when I, the youngest, was two years old, and in our ongoing care & support he took the path of least resistance.

So my nephew sat in the church listening to my dad's pastors give him this fabulous sendoff. Then he listened to several people at the graveside go on and on about what a great good loving man my dad was. At the end of the comments (and unfortunately after the closing prayer) my nephew couldn't take it anymore. He stood up and said, "You are all liars. You have no right to be crying if you keep saying he's in a better place and you'll see him again." The "robot bitch in red" (the pastor) said "the time for talking is over," but he kept on. I don't know exactly what he said after that, but it included the desertion. As he talked, (1) his step-grandmother glared daggers at him, (2) the pastor pointed at him and repeatedly made "sit down" movements, and (3) when he said "no, you WILL listen to me!" someone in the gathering -- which had rudely begun to break up while my nephew spoke -- said, "apparently not."

He was angry to begin with, but now he was angry and humiliated. From what my sister told me, I'm surprised the boy didn't have a stroke or burst a vessel in his brain.

He's fine now. I think -- i hope -- one of the things that alleviated his suffering that day was that I told him there's way, way more to the story about what happened after his grandfather left us in '65. I told him that I'd tell him everything I can remember. I lied, though; i'll leave things out that will add to his rage. I'll see him next month and he and I will talk as long as it takes to fill him in to his satisfaction.

Duckie, thank you for your many hugs and good wishes. :loveya:

* We have good memories because we choose to remember them. And choose not to dwell on the kind of life we had because of his choices. He was a good man in all other ways. That doesn't make it okay that he failed at parenthood, but he did have his redeeming qualities, which my sisters and I always hung onto, will hang onto forever.