THE ‘OCTOBER SURPRISE’ THAT WILL REALLY SURPRISE [View All]

[Don Davis]

While most people assume that the Bush Administration’s inevitable “October Surprise” will take the form of another unnecessary war, or the “sudden capture” of Osama bin Laden (or one of his scores of “No. 2’s”), confidential sources have now completely debunked this theory.

Instead, that modern-day Macchiavelli, Karl Rove, has conducted extensive research to find out just who really “pushes the buttons” of the American people. And based on those findings, the Bush Administration is prepared to make an election-eve arrest of the one person who will guarantee GOP control of Congress: Ralph Nader.

Vilified by conservatives for his lifetime crusade against corporate greed and corruption, and equally loathed by liberals for his 2000 Presidential campaign which ensured a Bush victory, polls show that Nader is even more hated than bin Laden. In addition, for the racist-nativist contingent that forms such a large part of the Bush base, Nader’s Middle Eastern ancestry is just more icing on the cake.

The Administration also intends to interrogate Mr. Nader based on their extremely loose interpretation of the Geneva Convention, emboldened by the fact that liberals are highly unlikely to object.

Indeed, Al Gore, the chief victim of Nader’s reckless 2000 campaign, is expected to argue that global warming can be greatly reduced if Nader is burned instead of fossil fuels.

In the event that Nader cannot be apprehended in time, Karl Rove has reportedly come up with a “Plan B,” also intended to curry favor with the masses: the arrest of a gay teachers’ union president.