Reply #35: Is that a defense they teach in law school? [View All]

[No Elephants]

Defense Attorney:

Your honor, ladies and gentleman of the jury, even if my client did commit this crime, he should not do the time.

His actions were in the past and only in the past.

In the present, he is sitting in the defendant's chair, not committing any crime whatever, as we can all see.

In the future, he is not committing any crime because he has never had access to a time machine.

Therefore, the past is the only time he could possibly have committed this crime, if indeed he did commit it at all.

And, as we all know, there is never any point punishing crimes that occurred only in the past. In fact, punishing crimes committed only in the past hurts the country. Therefore, it would be treason to punish the defendant for crimes committed in the past. You wouldn't want to commit high treason against the United States of America, would you?

I rest my case.




Judge:

I refuse to allow miscarriages of justice, like punishing crimes committed in the past, to continue any longer. Besides, I am a patriot and want nothing to do with harming this great country. Case dismissed.


Bailiff, release the prisoner forthwith, along with every other prisoner in the nation. Close the prosecutors' and DA offices, too.