I'm having a lot of trouble this season. 6 years gone.

[orleans]

4. paper roses,

i'm so very sorry you're feeling this way--yet i understand so well

this will be the sixth christmas without my mom--and we lived together all my life. this past year my daughter has moved out. her and her partner will probably come over for awhile on xmas eve and i'll probably go to their apartment on xmas day. but at night? and in the morning? it will be the first time *in my life* that i am alone in an empty house on xmas eve night and christmas morning. i am absolutely dreading this!

i keep thinking: maybe if i don't focus too much on it, or think about it too much, i can coast through it. we'll have to see. it's early in the month and already i'm thinking about it, anticipating it, ...dreading it.

and i go through some of the motions for the holiday season. and i go through them very half-assed. there is no real incentive for me to do otherwise.

i wanted to play the video you put up, but there is a problem with it.

can you please tell me the name of the song so i can try and find another video of it?

take care, my friend. i know those who have gone before us and whose love remains with us would want only good things for us. and i know they understand our sorrow and would take it away if they could, and make our life joyful and complete if they could. just like they always did before.