on top of everything else-all the emotions, all the grief we experience, all the technical crap we weigh through, we are thrown into a position where we basically have to re-learn how to live without someone.
and when it is someone we have had in our life for our *entire* life it can be devastatingly difficult
so often it's the little things that are so hard:
the momentary thought of giving her a call
or going home and looking forward to seeing/talking to her
or seeing something in a store ("mom will really like this"
or "i've got to tell her/ask her..."
i've been struggling through this for over four years and it has been the worst part of my life.
i still talk to her (yes, out loud), and feel that she is often near me. sometimes i "hear" (in my mind) her words or her response. i ask for "signs" to let me know she is still close and have gotten quite a few. while it does reassure me that she is not "completely" gone, it is a far cry from the existence we once had. and there have been hundreds of times when my mantra has been: i want to go back, i want to go back.
it's a different type of relationship that has been established and i would much prefer our old one to this one. but i'll take what i can. our spirit doesn't die, and neither does love. and it is because of the strength of love that allows us to continue across dimensions. it's a difficult adjustment for those of us left on this side of the divide. but what else can we do?
take care. you are not alone.
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