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orleans

(33,987 posts)
9. kanda
Sat Oct 5, 2013, 04:09 AM
Oct 2013

i'm so sorry you have begun a journey down a path that must be the hardest one to travel. i wish there were words of comfort or wisdom i could give you or share with you but for some reason all i can think of to say is "Love...it's all about love."

take a deep breath and hold on--the changing of the seasons, every holiday, everyone's birthday, all the firsts, then all the seconds, and any moment that triggers a memory or a familiar feeling or just a thought.

every once in awhile as i'm pulling the car into the garage i experience a one or two second feeling of joy or elation thinking i'm going into the house to see my mom. it's like i forget--just for a moment--that she is gone. then the instantaneous crash upon realizing i'm not going to see her when i go inside--the devastating moment when my brain does a reality check. well, i don't crash as hard anymore and those fleeting, happy moments when i forget she's gone are so precious to me.

people have said it gets better with time. i don't think it's so much that it gets better but that we eventually begin to grow stronger. at least that's how it mostly feels for me. still, i know in some way i keep my guard up even to myself and that if i allow myself the luxury i can fall apart all over again (after all, this month makes it only four years since i lost my mom).

take care.

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