it was a horrible, horrible month for me. i know i have come a very long way these past three years but generally i am still an emotional mess. i don't cry every day anymore and i think during these 3 years i actually went for a week or two without crying. but it still hits me about every other day. and the crying jags i get into are just agony--they came on a lot this last month as i went mentally spinning, going over so many what-ifs. i talk to my mom a lot and can "hear" in my head what she would tell me (or is telling me), and i ask her for signs to show me she is still with me. the nice thing is that i get these signs/responses from her. still...i so tremendously miss our life together the way it was. i so very much want things back the way they were...
sometimes the longing we have for those we love and the times we've shared is overwhelming.
i'm so sorry about what happened with your mom at the end--it's just not right when things like that happen, families aren't informed, oversights are made, etc.
i was recently telling someone how every night when i take my dog out in the yard for the last time before bed i look up at the moon and think about my mom. and this young girl, maybe around 7 or 8 years old, who was there asked me: "did your mom die?"
i said yes.
"talk to her. she can still hear you. she's still with you and she listens to you. talk to her."
"i do talk to her," i admitted.
"because she loves you. she's always with you and you can always talk to her. she's your mom and she loves you. she's never going to leave you. she's still with you."
i nodded and said, "yes, i believe she still is."
i just wanted to pass that on to you. i believe that beautiful little girl would have told you the same thing.
= new reply since forum marked as read
