Leo died on Saturday

[happybird]

It wasn’t exactly unexpected, I just thought we still had a few months left to spend together.

He has been slowly fading for a few months. The thyroid meds didn’t seem to be working, even though his levels have been normal on his last two blood tests. He was so thin. His red blood cell count was slightly elevated on his bloodwork last month, which likely means his heart was in bad shape. He hated taking his thyroid pills, hated getting blood drawn, I didn’t want to put him through more pokes and prods and procedures. He’s an old guy who has endured so much. After getting over the initial shock and denial, I am now grateful he is not suffering.

When I got home from work Saturday night he was on the floor in the guest room. He looked peaceful. Pretty sure his heart gave out. Would he have wanted me there when he passed? I flip flop between feeling guilty for not being here and feeling relieved I didn’t witness it. Relieved he is at peace and not struggling. And then feeling guilty for feeling relieved. I didn’t realize how much of my brain had been occupied with worry about him until that worry was gone. In case you can’t tell, I’m still a bit of an emotional mess.

I am going to miss him so damn much. I already do. He was a special, unique little guy.


Mom came with me yesterday to take his body to the crematorium. We listened to the songs he liked. I’m picking up his remains and clippings of his fur on Thursday. They also do a paw print molds. We are each getting an ornament with his embedded paw print.

Pooper seems to be adjusting well. She has never been an only cat. If she seems lonely, I’ll look into adopting her a friend. She’s always been kinda solitary, even when I had a house full of cats. She may enjoy the peace of having the house to herself for once. I’ll watch her over the next few weeks and follow her cues. She was restless and pacing a lot on Sunday but calmed on Monday. She has been extra lovey and talkative today and yesterday. She seems to be doing ok.

I’m going through old photos and will post a memorial for him some time soon. I’d like to do a post all about him because this one turned out to be all about me. I need to sort my thoughts and memories first. For now, a pic and a song that keeps popping into my head when I think of him: