I did not mind all the sacrifices but stealing my joy as a mother is beyond cruel

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

58. Do not delete, please.

Your son is at the age when his main drive is to be independent, no matter how capable or incapable he is of being truly independent.

Here's my story of my son at that age: The summer before his senior year in high school (age 17) he was picked up on possession of marijuana. He cheated his way through a diversion program, got fired from two jobs, and was not fun to be around. Then in the spring of his senior year things deteriorated to the point where he moved out for six weeks, and we didn't know for sure where he was staying, although we correctly guessed which friend he'd gone to stay with. I was terrified he'd stop going to school and flunk out at the very end of his senior year -- he'd already been accepted into college and had even been given a small academic scholarship which I feared would go away of the school found out about what was going on. Then he called me up, asked if he could return home. We said yes, but he was going to have to abide by some rules.

That summer wasn't too bad. He got two jobs, quit one because he didn't like it, but basically worked all summer. Then we drove him to his college, went through the parent orientation and waved goodbye to him on the steps of his dorm. A month later when we returned for the Parent Weekend he was completely changed (or was from our perspective) and we all had a terrific time.

I was genuinely amazed at how quickly things got better, and I asked him about that more than once. He said that he basically wasn't that kind of kid, meaning the one who couldn't get along at home and moved out. He also said that he was very glad he got his partying and wild behavior out of his system in high school, because he kept on observing kids who'd been well behaved all through high school and now were cutting loose. And a lot of them wound up flunking out.

What I want to tell you, as others have already, that we know how tough this is. We understand how you feel battered and bruised and just want this nightmare to end. It will. And hopefully it will end as well as many of the stories that have been posted here.

Hang in there. Do your best to ignore Mother's Day. It will be hard, I know. But I think from what you've said that your son is basically a decent human being. He's 17. He can't help being this age.